How to Approach Without a Line, Just Honest Curiosity

Say hello, say one true thing about why you came over, give your name, and ask her one question you actually want answered. That is a full approach, and none of it is a line. When you approach women in person, honest curiosity works because it is easy to say, easy to hear and impossible to get wrong in the way a rehearsed line can be.

A line is a sentence designed to produce a reaction. A woman who has heard a few of them can feel the design. She stops listening to you and starts evaluating the sentence, and you have turned a human hello into a performance.

a dating coach makes the same point about game in general. His observation is that "if someone knows you're trying to push their buttons all they're gonna do is try and resist having their buttons pushed." A line that sounds like a button is the easiest to resist.

a dating coach lays out a simple version for beginners. You can ask a question, give a compliment and introduce yourself, in whatever combination suits you. His warning is that simply walking up and saying your name tends to be "a really bad approach," because she has no reason to be talking to you yet.

So give her a reason. The true reason is usually enough: "I saw you across the room and wanted to say hi." Or: "That's a great jacket, I had to ask where it's from." Neither sentence is clever. Both are true, and that is why they work.

Curiosity has to be real or it is a line wearing a costume. If you do not care where she is from, do not ask where she is from. Ask about the thing you actually noticed: what she is reading, the odd mug she is holding, why she chose this table.

A good test: could you ask the same sentence to any woman anywhere? If yes, it is generic. If it only makes sense about this woman in this place, it is honest.

The curiosity does not stop after the first sentence. This is where many men fail, because they ask a question and then wait for their turn to talk. Pick one thing in her answer and ask about it.

a dating coach says the conversation after the open is your job to carry, like a lawn mower you may have to pull more than once. If her first answer is short, bring a second topic from your own life, then ask what she thinks. People warm up when you give them something to respond to.

A relaxed voice fits honest curiosity better than a bright one. Do not perform energy you do not have. a dating coach's low-energy style works because it comes across as unforced. Say it the way you would say it to a friend, at a normal pace, with a smile.

If your voice tightens when you are nervous, read our guide to approaching women with a calm, relaxed voice.

Some women will not be open, and you have no control over that. Honest curiosity gives you a good way to leave, because you did nothing you need to regret. Say it was nice to meet her and go.

Remember that the win on any approach is that you walked up and said something. a dating coach puts it this way: if your criterion is that you physically walk up to a girl and say something, "that's something anyone can do."

Honesty feels easy on paper and strange at the moment you are about to say it. A coach next to you can tell you whether your opener sounded sincere or rehearsed, and push you to keep asking real questions.

A Cold Approach Bootcamp is built around live approaching. It runs in Miami and New York. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is one, two or three days one-on-one, with two four-hour blocks each day and feedback after every set. There is no skill floor. You leave with a written practice plan.