How to Dance With a Woman at a Wedding

Talk to her before the dancing starts, so you are not a stranger when you ask. Then walk over during a song with some life in it, offer your hand, and say "Come dance with me." On a slow song, hold her right hand at shoulder height, put your other hand on her upper back, sway side to side and let her decide how close to stand. If she says no, smile and ask again later or ask someone else. A wedding is one of the easiest places to approach a woman, because everyone is there to celebrate and dancing is expected.

The easiest wedding dance comes from a woman who already knows your name. The cocktail hour, the line at the bar and the wait before dinner are all natural times to say hello.

You already share a connection with every guest: the couple. "How do you know the bride?" or "Are you a friend of the groom's from college?" is a warm, low pressure opener. It gives her an easy story to tell, and it tells you which side of the room her people are on.

Men on Reddit who do well at weddings offer the same tip. Make friends with people at your table and the wedding party, and let them introduce you around. Bridesmaids, groomsmen and cousins know everyone. One introduction from them makes you a guest worth knowing, not a random man at table nine.

Pick a song with energy, not the first slow song of the night when the floor is half empty and everyone is watching. A crowded floor feels less like a spotlight for both of you.

Walk over, catch her eye, and keep it simple:

• "Come dance with me."
• "This is a good one. Dance with me?"
• "I promised myself I would dance before cake. Help me out."

Offer your hand as you say it. A man who asks clearly and calmly looks like fun. A man who mumbles "um, would you maybe want to, if not that is fine" makes her feel she has to rescue him.

If she is sitting with friends, say hello to the table first. Asking her in front of them is fine, as long as you have been friendly to them too.

Slow dancing at a wedding needs almost no skill. Here is all of it:

1. Take her right hand in your left hand, about shoulder height.
2. Place your right hand on her upper back or the side of her waist.
3. Let her rest her left hand on your shoulder.
4. Sway gently, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, and turn slowly in a small circle.

Let her set the distance. If she moves closer, you can follow. If she keeps a little space, keep it too. Keep your hand where you put it, not drifting lower.

Talk a little, close to her ear. A light comment about the couple, the band or how bad your uncle is at dancing is enough. You do not need to fill every second.

On fast songs, weddings dance in clusters. Join the group she is in, dance with everyone, and turn toward her from time to time. Silly is fine here. Nobody at a wedding is judging dance moves, and a man who is willing to look a bit goofy is more fun than one standing stiffly at the edge.

Avoid grinding on her during fast songs. This is a family event, and her grandmother may be at the next table.

Between songs, step off the floor for water and ask her something: how long she has known the couple, whether she is staying the weekend, what she thought of the speeches. A short break off the floor is where a dance turns into actually getting to know her.

Some women do not dance, some are tired, and some are not interested. Any answer is fine. Say "No problem, enjoy the night," and mean it. You can ask her again in an hour if she smiles at you later, or ask someone else now. Nobody at a wedding remembers a polite no. They remember a sulk.

Weddings end suddenly, and people scatter to cars, hotels and after parties. If you have had a good time with her, get her number before the send off. "I want to see you when we are not wearing suits. Put your number in" is easy to say at the end of a good night.

A wedding gives you a reason to talk to her. Everyday life does not, and most men never practice walking up to a woman without one.

The Cold Approach Bootcamp trains exactly that, in person and fully in the field, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. It runs in Miami and New York only. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach. Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days. A total beginner is welcome, and approach anxiety is the specialty.