How to Choose a Good Bar or Lounge for Nightgame

Choose a place with a mixed crowd, people moving around, and noise that makes talking hard but not impossible. Walk in, give the room two minutes, and look at who is there, how they move and whether anyone is actually talking to strangers. A beautiful room with a closed, seated, couples-only crowd is a bad place to meet women, and a plain bar with a busy standing area is a good one.

Look at who is in the room before you look at the decor.

• A mixed crowd. Groups of women, mixed groups and men who are not all standing against the wall. A room that is 80 percent men in button-downs scanning the floor is a waiting room with music.
• Women who look like they came to enjoy the night. Dressed up, laughing, taking photos together. That does not mean any woman wants to be approached, but it tells you the room is social.
• People already talking across groups. Strangers laughing at each other's jokes is the best sign there is.

Loud is fine. Impossible is not.

The ideal is a room where the music gives it energy and there are still places where two people can exchange a sentence. If everyone is pointing at their ears and shouting, you will spend your openers repeating yourself.

Look for tables, a lounge area, a patio or a corner of the bar where people pause and talk. A man who has to lean in, touch a shoulder and still gets two words across is not set up to meet anyone.

Some spots in a venue create repeated, low-pressure contact. They are where you want to spend your time.

• The bar line. People wait there and have time.
• Patios and outdoor areas. Quieter and more relaxed.
• The entrance and the space near it. People pause as they come in.
• Lobby bars and hotel lounges. Often mixed and easier to talk in.
• Pool tables, games and side tables. A natural reason to start a conversation.

The spots to avoid are the ones where you sit, get served and never move. Waiting to be chosen is not a plan.

A venue that encourages motion is better than one that encourages sitting. A packed dance floor is fine if you have a group and strong energy. If you are alone and want to build a conversation from nothing, standing ten feet from the DJ shouting into the noise is hard.

Pick a place with a standing bar, a patio or a social lounge. It is easier to start the first conversation there, and you can raise the energy later.

Some rooms are all couples and closed groups. Some are loud and full of men watching each other. Some are quiet because it is early. You are looking for a room where the energy is up and strangers are mixing.

If the first place is dead, closed or full of couples, do not stay out of loyalty. Walk ten minutes to a place with more mixed traffic.

A beginner does better in a small bar or a social lounge than in a loud club. It is easier to hear, easier to leave and easier to stand next to people without looking lost.

As you get more comfortable, you can add busier rooms.

In New York and Miami, the best rooms differ by neighborhood and by the night. Use our city lists as a starting map:

• Best lounges in New York for meeting women
• Best bars in New York without apps
• Best bars in Miami for meeting women

Then visit two or three, and note which one gives you more conversations. A list can get you to the door. Only your own visits tell you which room works for you.

The bartender and the floor staff know the room. They see who comes, who stays and which nights are busy. A friendly word with the bartender is a low-stakes first rep, and sometimes they will tell you when the place picks up.

Do not choose a place only because it is trendy, expensive or full. A room can be hard to get into and bad for meeting people. Ask whether you can talk, whether people mix and whether you can move.

On a Cold Approach Bootcamp, a coach takes you into real bars and lounges in Miami or New York and works with you on the spot. You get live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set, including how you read the room. Each training day is two four-hour blocks in the field, with nightgame and daygame mixed to suit the student.

You can book Group, with no more than three students per coach, or Private, fully 1-on-1 for one, two or three days.