How to Ask a Woman Out at the Gym

Ask her when she is not mid-workout, after a few short and friendly exchanges, with a specific plan she can answer in a sentence. "I'm heading for a coffee after this, want to join me?" or "I'd like to take you out sometime, can I get your number?" Say it plainly, take the answer well, and do not ask twice.

Men type this as "how to get a girl's number at the gym," at a chain gym or a Planet Fitness, and in a dozen other ways. The method is the same in all of them.

The best time to ask is after she has seen you a few times. Nod, say hello, and be friendly to everyone. By the fourth week, a short exchange does not come from nowhere.

You are not doing this to build an excuse for a pitch. You are doing it so that when you ask, she has some evidence about who you are.

Pick a time when she is finishing, not starting. The lobby, the walk to the lockers, the water fountain and the cafe area all work. A woman stretching on a mat with her eyes closed does not.

Check the signals. If she meets your eye, smiles or stays in the conversation a little longer than needed, keep going. If she looks at her phone, glances at her headphones or answers in one word, say "see you around" and stop.

Talk about something in front of you both: the class, the gym, how long you have trained. Keep it to a minute or two. Ask one question, react to the answer, and add something about yourself.

a dating coach's rule applies here too. Question after question turns into an interview, so after her answer give a small opinion, a tease or a story before you ask another.

Do the asking away from the equipment, before she has put her headphones back in. Use a plain sentence.

• "I like talking to you. Let's get a coffee this week. What's your number?"
• "I'm going to grab a smoothie. Want to come?"

A specific plan beats "we should hang out sometime," because she can say yes to it. Offer a day and a place when you can. Do not make her do the work of inventing the date.

If she says yes, put the number in your phone while she watches, send a short text that day and set the plan. Wait for her reply rather than sending three.

If she says no or "I have a boyfriend," say "no problem, have a good workout" and mean it. You will see her again, and how you behave now decides whether the gym stays comfortable for both of you. Do not argue, ask why or become cold around her afterward.

If she says "maybe" or "I'm really busy this week," offer one alternative, such as "no problem, how about next week?" If she is vague again, let it rest. A woman who wants to see you will find a day. Chasing a soft maybe through three more conversations is how a friendly acquaintance becomes an awkward one.

• Do not approach in the middle of a set or wait beside her machine.
• Do not comment on her body or her outfit.
• Do not ask for a number from across the weight room, where she cannot say no without an audience.
• Do not keep chatting every day after a clear no.
• Do not message her through the gym's app or look her up on Instagram before she gives it to you.

If your stomach drops just reading this, you have the problem most men have: it is easy to know the steps and hard to say the sentence. That is the part coaching fixes.

Cold Approach runs an in-person Bootcamp in Miami and New York, live in the field with a coach on every approach and feedback after every set. Getting numbers and turning them into dates is one of the four parts taught. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is 1-on-1. Nobody needs experience, and every student leaves with a short written practice plan.