How to Approach Women With Your Own Friends Around

Walk over alone, say your hello, and let your friends stay where they are until the conversation is going well. A man who approaches while his friends watch is under extra pressure. The fix is a simple plan agreed beforehand. You go, they hold back, and nobody turns it into a group event. Your friends should feel like a safe base to return to, not an audience to perform for.

This is for the common situation where you are out with friends, a woman catches your eye, and you cannot decide whether to leave them to talk to her.

When your friends are near, you are not only worried about her reaction. You are worried about theirs. If it goes badly, they saw it. If it goes well, you may feel you have to be funny for them. Either way, part of your mind is on the table behind you instead of on the woman in front of you.

There is also the risk of the wrong kind of help. A scared friend might talk you out of going before you stand up, saying she looks busy or is too good for you. That protects him from watching you try. A group of men all walking over at once puts pressure on her and makes you look like you need backup.

Before the night starts, or at least before you walk over, agree on a few rules:

• You go alone. Everyone else stays put and keeps talking among themselves.
• No announcing. Nobody says "my friend thinks you're pretty" or tells her your job or how long you have been single.
• No staring. If your friends are all watching you like a game, you will feel it. Ask them to turn back to their drinks.
• A signal for help. If you do want a friend to join, agree on a small signal, so it is your call and not theirs.

A good friend does one thing: he says "go say hi" and gives you room. He does not need to push you, and he does not need to watch.

Walk over exactly as you would if you were alone. The only difference is that you do not look back at your friends.

1. Pick a moment when she is not mid-conversation.
2. Walk over at a normal pace and say a short hello.
3. Talk for a minute or two, giving her your full attention.

If she is with friends of her own, say hi to them too, and spend a little time with the group before you focus on her. If she is alone, keep it to a short, easy conversation.

After a few minutes, you have two choices. You can say "I'll let you get back to your night, it was good to meet you" and return. Or, if it is going well, you can bring a friend over. If you do, introduce him simply and keep him relaxed. The best wingman moments, as a dating coach describes them, are when friends help each other meet women and enjoy it. He calls rooming with a wingman who is helping you while you help him some of the most fun you will ever have.

Your friends will ask. You do not owe them a report. A short, light answer is enough: "Nice girl, she had somewhere to be." The less drama you add, the easier it is to approach again later without it feeling like a big event.

Do not hand your friends material to joke about. If they tease you every time you go over, you will stop going. Be clear with them that you would rather they cheer you on, and if they cannot, go with different people on the nights you want to meet women.

Everything above applies to your side. If she is surrounded by her friends, a separate set of tips applies, and we cover them in what to say to a woman when she is with friends.

Many men find it easier to approach with someone who is there for exactly that purpose. At a Cold Approach Bootcamp, your coach is the one beside you, not a friend with his own agenda. Each training day is two four-hour blocks in the field in Miami or New York, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. That includes approaching women alone and with friends around.

Group runs three consecutive days at three students to a coach, so you are with other men who are working on the same thing. Private is one, two or three days, fully one-on-one, for men who would rather learn without anyone watching.