How to Approach Women in New York Without Being Seen as Aggressive

Pick a woman who is not in a hurry, say a short and friendly hello, and leave as soon as she shows she is not interested. Aggression is not about being direct. It is about ignoring what she tells you. A calm man who says hi, listens and lets her go politely does not come across as aggressive, even in a fast city like New York.

New York can make men feel they must be pushy because everyone is moving quickly. The better answer is to slow your own pace down.

Women use that word for a few specific things: coming too close, talking over her, getting louder when she pulls back, following her, or continuing after a clear no. It has little to do with whether you walked up to a stranger. A direct hello is not aggressive. The behaviors above are.

That means you control it. Watch how she responds and let her answers shape what you do next.

In New York, timing matters more than anywhere. A woman rushing to the subway with headphones in is not a good set. A woman on a bench, in a cafe line or at a bar with a free moment is. a dating coach says the best approach is to someone who has come out to be among people, since a person who wanted to be alone would stay home.

Open with a plain hello and a reason. "Hi, I am Chris. I saw you reading and wanted to say hello." Smile, give her space, and let her answer. Do not stand in her path or block a doorway. Step to the side so she can leave easily. If she wants to talk, she will.

New York is loud, so men tend to talk louder and stand closer. Do the opposite. Keep your voice steady and slightly lower than the street, and stay about an arm's length away. Lean in only if she does, and only if the room is too loud to hear.

• She turns toward you, asks a question or smiles: keep going.
• She gives short answers and looks away: wrap up with "Nice to meet you, have a good one."
• She says she is busy or has a boyfriend: say "No problem, enjoy your day" and go.

That last line is a full ending. Do not argue, ask why or try a second angle. The graceful exit is what keeps you from seeming aggressive and also what makes future approaches easier, because you are not carrying a bad moment around.

If she walks away, let her. Do not trail her down the block or call after her. If a hello does not get a response, one friendly "have a great day" is plenty.

"Give me your number" at the start, comments on her body and questions like "Why are you alone?" all feel like pressure. Start with a normal human exchange, then, if it goes well, ask for her number or Instagram and suggest a plan.

You will probably never see her again, so the stakes of a miss are low. A lot of people in the city are recent arrivals and are more social than you may expect. coach calls New York his number one city for learning approach, partly because the supply of strangers is so large. That supply means you can afford to be easygoing. You do not need any one woman to say yes.

Whether you seem aggressive is hard to judge from the inside. A coach watching you can tell you if your pace, volume or distance is off, and correct it on the spot. On a Cold Approach Bootcamp in New York you spend your training days in the field, daygame by day and nightgame at night, with live coaching on each approach and feedback after every set. Private Bootcamps are fully one-on-one for one, two or three days and are arranged with you once you book. Beginners are welcome, and approach anxiety is the specialty.

Is it easy to meet women in New York?

There are plenty of women, and plenty of places. The skill of starting a conversation is what makes it easy.

Is it okay to approach a woman on the street?

A short, friendly hello that you drop when she is not interested is fine. A woman in a hurry is not a good moment.

What if she says no?

Thank her, wish her a good day and go. That is a successful approach, too.