How to Approach Women at a Networking Event or Conference

Walk up between sessions, open with something you both share about the event, and talk for a few minutes like a person instead of a pitch. If the conversation is going well, say plainly that you enjoyed talking and would like to see her outside the event. She came to work, so give her an easy way to say yes or no, and accept either answer.

An event is a good place to practice approaching because everyone expects to talk to strangers. It is also a tricky one, because the reason for the conversation is business, and you want it to become something else. The skill is handling that shift without making her feel used.

It is easier because you have a built-in reason to speak. Nobody thinks it odd that you said hello in the coffee line at a conference. You do not need a clever opener, and the setting does half the work of getting you past the first ten seconds.

It is harder because she is probably in work mode. She may be representing her company, watching the clock between meetings, or hoping to meet a client. A man who treats a work event as a hunting ground comes across as someone who did not take her job seriously.

So the aim is narrower than "get her number." The aim is to have one good conversation where she can tell you are a man who finds her interesting, and then let her choose what happens next.

Timing matters more here than almost anywhere else.

• Good moments: the coffee line, the break between sessions, a lunch table, the drinks hour after the program ends, or any time she is standing alone and not rushing somewhere.
• Bad moments: mid-conversation with a colleague, while a speaker is on stage, on her way to a meeting, or while she is working a booth.

Notice her body language first. A woman who looks around the room and makes eye contact is open to company. A woman who stares at her phone and walks fast is not. Skip her and find another conversation.

The easiest opener is what you are both standing in. Ask what she thought of the last talk, whether she has found a decent coffee nearby, or which session she is heading to next. Say it in a normal voice, with a smile, and give her space to answer.

a dating coach breaks every conversation that ends with a number into four steps: the open, the premise, the evaluation and the close. The open is the easy one at an event. The step men skip is the second, which is the premise, meaning she understands that this is a man talking to a woman and not two colleagues swapping cards.

After a minute or two of event talk, move the conversation toward the two of you. Ask what she does outside work. Let her see you are curious about her and not only her job title. A light, honest comment does it: "I came for the talks, but this is the better part of the day."

This is the part that separates a man who is friendly from a man she remembers. If you stay on the topic of the conference for twenty minutes, she will assume you are a networker. If you move to the two of you, she will see a man who noticed her.

If she answers warmly and keeps asking you questions, that is a good sign. If she keeps steering back to business and glancing away, take that as her answer and wrap up politely.

When it is going well, ask before the conversation winds down. Something like: "I have to get to the next session, but I would like to keep talking. Can I take your number?" Instagram works too, and many women now prefer it. Hand her your phone and let her type.

Keep it short. Do not turn it into a speech about how you feel. If she says she is only here for work, smile, say it was good to meet her and move on. Nobody was embarrassed and you did nothing wrong.

You should also never follow someone around a venue, ask repeatedly or contact her through a work channel after she said no.

Many men can approach in a bar and lock up in a conference lobby. The reason is that the stakes feel higher. She may work near you, you may see her again at tomorrow's session, and other people are watching.

That is also why a work event is such a good training ground. Approaching with colleagues around, in daylight, is the same skill as approaching in a cafe. The Bootcamp curriculum covers approaching women alone and with friends around, so the crowd stops feeling like an audience.

You do not have to wait for a conference. The skills in this article are the ones you use on a street or in a coffee shop. Choose the moment. Open simply. Make your interest clear. Ask for contact while the conversation is still warm.

A Cold Approach Bootcamp is in person in Miami or New York. A coach stands beside you for two four-hour blocks a day while you approach real women, then tells you what to change after every set. Group runs three days at no more than three students per coach. Private is just you and the coach, for one, two or three days.

If the event is the part that worries you, say so on day one and your coach will build reps around it.