How to Approach a Woman You Like for the First Time

Walk up while she is alone and not in a hurry, say something true about what you noticed, and keep the first conversation to a couple of minutes. If it goes well, ask for her number and suggest a plan. That is the whole thing. The first time will feel awkward whatever you do, so the goal is not to be smooth. It is to say hello, be pleasant and leave on a good note. The same rules apply to swiping and messages on dating apps, if matches are where you meet her.

Most first approaches fail before they start, in the head. You see her, you rehearse for ten minutes, you talk yourself out of it, and she leaves.

Make the decision fast. a dating coach has said that when you like a girl you should go and talk to her, hint or no hint. If you wait for a perfect moment, you wait forever. Pick a rule such as "I count to three and walk." Then walk.

The easiest moments are when she is alone, standing or sitting, and not in a rush. A woman in line at a cafe, browsing in a shop or sitting with a book is far easier than a woman with headphones in on a fast walk, or a table of five friends.

If she is with friends, do not pick the hardest option. My advice for a mixed group is to talk to the women first, not the man standing beside them. Once the women introduce you to the rest, nobody can object to you being there.

Say what you actually noticed. A line that comes from the moment beats a line from the internet every time.

• "That's a great jacket. Where did you find it?"
• "I saw you reading that book and had to ask if it's any good."
• "I know this is out of nowhere, but you looked interesting, so I wanted to say hi. I'm Mike."

coach describes two styles. Direct approaches say plainly that you find her interesting. Indirect approaches start with a question or comment and let the interest show later. Direct is higher risk and higher reward. It gets stronger reactions, good and bad. Indirect is gentler and easier for a beginner. Neither is correct. Use whichever you can say without squirming.

Keep it light and about the moment. Ask a question, listen, answer one yourself. People worry about topics, but the topic matters less than the energy. A relaxed man who is curious about her is more attractive than one with a clever opener.

Do not interview her with a stack of questions. Share something about yourself between questions, so it feels like a conversation and not a form.

A couple of minutes is enough. Leave on a good note instead of dragging it out. If she is engaged and you want to continue, you can say "I have to run, but I'd like to keep talking. Can I get your number?" Then suggest a plan when you text, not a vague "we should hang out."

If she is not interested, she will tell you with short answers or a polite exit. Say "nice to meet you" and go. That is a successful approach, because you did the hard thing and it cost you nothing.

You do not need to analyze every gesture. Watch for four things. She adds to the conversation beyond what she needs to. She asks you questions. She does not mind a light touch on the arm. She leans in. Any of those means the conversation is going well, and you can relax and keep going. If she asks a question, coach treats that as a good sign that she wants the conversation to last.

Some men ask how to approach a girl they like for the first time by text, or what to text a girl for the first time. The rules are the same.

Say something specific and true: where you saw her, what you noticed, or what you have in common. Ask one clear question. Then suggest a plan within a few messages.

• "Hey Sarah, it's Mike. I'm the guy who made the bad joke about the coffee line today. Want to try a better coffee place this weekend?"

Keep your messages few, and do not fill days with small talk. My text advice is to leave a reason to text in reserve for later, and to avoid sending a flood of messages. If you met her on a dating app, the same applies: a short, specific message beats three paragraphs.

Hints help. A woman who hovers near you, starts a small conversation or chooses you for a small favor is likely open to you. But you do not need a hint to start. If you like her, you go.

Almost nobody is good at this the first time. Your hands may shake and your first line may be bad. That is normal. The fear loosens with repetition, and every approach is one rep. Do it again tomorrow with someone different, and you will be calmer by the fifth.

Pick a time and a place. When you see a woman you like, count to three and walk over. Say one true thing. Keep it short. Leave on a good note. You will be a little more comfortable next time.