How to Approach a Woman Who Is With a Man

First work out who the man is. If he is her boyfriend, leave them alone. If he is a friend, a brother, a coworker, or just someone standing near her, you can still talk to her, but you do it by greeting the whole group, not by cutting him out. When you cannot tell, wait, watch, and let the situation show you before you say a word.

Do not guess. Spend ten seconds watching how they behave together.

Signs they are a couple:

• They touch each other casually, hold hands, or have an arm around a waist.
• They stand close and face each other.
• They share food or a drink, or finish each other's sentences.
• They look at each other more than at the room.

Signs they are not:

• There is clear space between them.
• They talk in a group, not only to each other.
• They are looking at phones, or in different directions.
• She is more engaged with other people than with him.

If it looks like a couple, you are done. Interrupting a couple is not bold. It is rude to both of them, and it will not work.

Many men fail here by walking in while the situation is still ambiguous. A better move is to wait for the moment to clarify itself.

She may leave to get a drink, go to the restroom, or step outside. He may take a call. When she is on her own and you have read the situation, a short, friendly hello is easy. If you were wrong about him and he comes back as her boyfriend, you exit politely, and nothing is damaged.

Waiting a minute costs you nothing. Walking into a conflict costs you the whole evening. It also gives you time to notice whether she wants company at all, because a woman who is relaxed and looking around reads very differently from one who is glued to the person beside her.

When the man is part of a mixed group, treat everyone as worth your attention. a dating coach's advice for groups applies exactly: engage the whole group, or at least everyone relevant, because the main reason approaches fail in groups is that her friends pull her away.

Greet them together, in the same warm tone you would use with one person. "Hi, you all look like you are having more fun than anyone else here" works. Shake hands, ask his name, and include him in the first minute. A man who is treated like a rival becomes one. A man who is included usually relaxes.

After that, you can let your attention settle on the woman you came to meet. Do it lightly, and never at his expense.

If he is a friend or a relative, resist the urge to impress her at his cost. Do not tease him, talk over him, or show off. It makes you look insecure, and it makes her uncomfortable on his behalf.

If he is territorial and cold, leave. Arguing, posturing, or insisting on staying is how a nice evening turns into a bad one. You have lost nothing by walking away. You would lose a great deal by staying.

A woman who is with a man is sometimes in a conversation she cannot easily leave. A man may be her date, her colleague, or her friend who is watching out for her. Keep the interaction short, public and polite.

If she looks uneasy, or he looks annoyed, say "Enjoy your night" and go. Nobody is owed a conversation, and neither is anyone obliged to put up with an awkward one.

There is a practical benefit to this approach as well. Men who handle these moments with grace build a reputation in the places they go. The bartender, the friends, and the woman herself all notice who is easy to be around, and that tends to come back to you.

Mixed groups are among the hardest settings to learn from articles, because everything happens at once: his body language, her friends, the noise and your own nerves.

A Cold Approach Bootcamp trains it where it happens, in the field in Miami and New York, with a coach who watches you walk up, hears what you say to everyone, and tells you what to change. Approaching alone and with friends around is part of the first of the four parts covered on every training day, and the Group Bootcamp keeps it to three students per coach so each of you gets real attention.