How Much Should You Spend on a First Date?

Spend what you can comfortably afford and would not resent later, which for most first dates means a couple of drinks and maybe a bite. There is no magic number. A first date is a short meeting to see whether there is chemistry, and the cost is not what creates it. A cheap, fun, well-chosen date beats an expensive, stiff one every time.

coach makes a point that surprises many men: women are not attracted to money itself. They are attracted to the lifestyle and the experience a man provides. He gives an example of a film star and the studio executive who signs his paychecks. The executive is richer, and the star is the one people want.

For a first date, that means the bill is a small part of the picture. She is reading how you carry yourself, how you treat people, whether you are fun and whether you planned something thoughtful. A man who spends a fortune and is tense has a worse date than a man who spends little and is relaxed.

Plan the date so that you could pay for it without thinking twice.

• Short. An hour or two is plenty. A longer date costs more and gives you more ways to run out of things to say.
• Light. Coffee, a drink or a walk with a snack. If it goes well, you can always add something.
• Easy to extend. Pick a place where the evening can grow, such as a bar with decent food nearby, instead of a set dinner with a fixed bill.

If you are choosing between a place that costs a bit more and one you can easily afford, pick the one you can afford. Resentment about a bill is hard to hide.

coach has a rule for his own spending: he will spend money to take a woman on a trip with him, but he will not pay her rent or buy her a refrigerator. In other words, spend on something you will both enjoy together, not on things that are really about her life.

On a first date, the same logic applies in small form. Spend on the setting, not the status. A good view, an interesting place or a small activity gives you something to talk about. A pricey restaurant where you are both stiff gives you nothing.

If you invited her, paying is the simple default. It is clean, and it removes the awkward mathematics at the end of the evening. If she offers to pay or split, accept with a smile and do not turn it into a debate.

If money is tight, choose an inexpensive date instead of an expensive one you cannot afford. There is no shame in a coffee and a walk, and many women prefer it to a formal dinner with a stranger.

• Do not stretch your budget to impress. If you are anxious about the bill all night, she will feel it.
• Do not order for effect. Ordering the most expensive bottle to look successful reads as try-hard. coach notes that talking about money or showing it off comes across as bragging and lowers how she sees you.
• Do not treat the bill as a test of her. A first date that ends with a debate over the check is a bad ending, whoever wins.
• Do not expect something in return for paying. A drink is not a debt. If she is not interested, she owes you nothing, and you should pay what you planned to and leave graciously.

Spending more makes sense once there is real interest on both sides. By the second or third date, you can plan something bigger, like a nicer dinner or an outing that costs a little more, because you know she is enjoying herself.

Increase the spending as the connection grows, not before. That order shows you are interested in her, not in buying a good impression.

The best test of a first-date budget is whether you could enjoy the evening if you were the one paying. If the cost makes you tense, scale down. If you are relaxed, make it a little nicer.

Show up on time, dress well, be curious about her and be at ease. That is the part she remembers, and it costs nothing.