What to Do When You Drink Too Much on a Date

If you notice you have had too much, stop drinking right now, drink water, eat something and get yourself home safely. The next day, send one short, honest text that owns it without groveling. One bad hour can be fixed. Making it worse that night, or going silent afterward, is what ruins the date.

Most men know the second it happens: the room is a little loud, your words feel loose, and you have said something twice. Do the dull, useful things first.

• Switch to water. Order a big glass and tell the server you are done for the night. No speech, no explanation.
• Order food. Fries, bread, anything with starch. It will not fix the drinks you have had, but it slows things down.
• Slow your talking. Short sentences, fewer jokes. If you are loud, get quieter.
• Ask questions. Let her do more of the talking while you sober up. Listening is hard to get wrong.
• Do not match her next round. If she orders another, nod and keep the water.

If she asks, answer plainly. "I had more than I planned. I am switching to water for a while." That sentence is adult and brief, and most women respect it.

There is a gap between buzzed and impaired. Buzzed is looser and funnier. Impaired is repeating yourself, losing your balance, slurring or saying things you would not say sober.

If you are in the second group, the date is over, even if she wants to keep going. Say, "I am calling it a night. I want to get home safe, and I would like to see you again when I am sharper." That line protects you, and it is not weak. A man who knows his limit looks steadier than one who pretends he has none.

Do not drive. Order a ride or ask for a ride from a friend. If she offers to drive you or offers a ride, thank her and decide what is safe. Never take a risk to look easygoing.

Do not push to extend the night. No "one more place," no inviting yourself over and no kiss you are not sure she wants. Alcohol makes it harder to read a woman's signals. When you cannot read her clearly, the correct move is to wait. If she is also drunk, the rule is even simpler: nothing physical tonight.

Send no late-night texts. Messages written after a few drinks are the ones you wish you could delete.

Send it in the morning, after you have had water and breakfast. Keep it short, honest and light. Three parts: own it, say something warm and suggest a next step.

"Morning. I had more than I meant to last night and I am sorry if I was sloppy. I had a good time with you. Can I take you to dinner this week? I will stick to one drink."

What not to do:

• Do not write four paragraphs.
• Do not blame the bar, your friends or your week.
• Do not joke it off with "I was wasted lol" if she looked uncomfortable.
• Do not apologize for being a bad person. Apologize for the thing you did.

My advice on apologies is the right model here: apologize for what you did, not for your existence as a human being. "I drank too much and I was loud" is an apology. "I am such an idiot, you must hate me" is a request for comfort, and she will feel obliged to give it.

If you said something rude or touched her without her clear yes, a text is not enough. Contact her once, in plain words: "I am sorry for how I behaved last night. It was not okay, and I will not do it again." Then stop. Do not ask her to forgive you and do not ask to meet. Leave her room.

If she tells you to stay away, stay away. Do not reach out through friends and do not appear at places she goes.

A woman who has seen you drunk may not want a second date. That is her choice. Ask once, make the invitation easy to decline and take the answer. A calm reply of "No problem, thank you for the night" leaves the best impression you can still make.

If she says yes, show her the version she met at the start of the evening. Keep your drinks to one or two, eat first and leave while the evening is still good.

• Eat before you go out and have water between drinks.
• Decide your limit before you walk in.
• Be the one who leaves a little early, not the last to go.
• If you notice that you drink to get through nerves, try a first date in the daytime, with coffee or a walk.

Alcohol takes the edge off nerves and takes some of your judgment with it. Confidence that comes from practice stays with you the next morning, and a man who can be relaxed and clear-headed on a first date has something worth showing her.