How Many People Use eHarmony and What That Means for You

eharmony does not publish an exact member count in its help pages. Its own wording is that members get access to millions of relationship-minded singles. That is a big dating site, but the number you will actually see is far smaller, because it depends on your filters and your location more than on the headline total. The useful question is not how many people use it. It is how many women near you fit what you want.

eharmony describes a membership of millions of relationship-minded singles. It also says it has created more than two million relationships in over a hundred countries since it launched. It says messages across the site number in the millions every week, which tells you the site is busy, though not how busy it is on your block.

Treat these as the company's own claims. They show a large, active site. They do not give you a membership figure, and nobody outside eharmony can give you an honest one. Any article that quotes an exact number of users is guessing.

A site with millions of members sounds like a site with plenty of choice. For one man, in one town, the total is almost irrelevant. What counts is how many women live within reach, are in your age range, and want what you want.

The Discover list shows every member who fits your preferences. So the length of your list is set by the settings you chose, not by the size of the site. Two men on the same site can see very different lists.

eharmony says narrow settings for distance, religion, ethnicity, smoking and drinking give a short list. Widening age, location and height gives a longer one.

That is useful because it means you control more of this than you think. Before you decide the site is too small, check what you have switched on. A man who sets his distance to five miles and rules out several categories at once may be looking at a very short list, and blaming the site for it.

Do not widen everything, either. A longer list is not a better list. Open the settings that are genuinely flexible for you, such as a few extra years on either side of your preferred age or a wider search area. Keep the ones that matter to you firmly in place.

eharmony presents itself as a place for people who want a meaningful relationship. That affects the kind of woman you are likely to meet, since a site built around that goal draws people who share it.

For a man who wants something serious, that is a plus. For a man who wants to see a lot of people and move fast, it may feel slow. a dating coach's point on choosing an app is that you should pick one that matches what you want, and write your page to say so. A site built on intent saves you from sorting through people who want something else.

New members join every day and the list is refreshed. That means the list you saw last week is not the list you see now.

It is one reason checking in regularly matters more than checking in for long. A short look every day or two catches the women who just joined, while a three-hour session once a month sees the same names again and again.

If your list is short even after you have loosened what you reasonably can, accept it, and work on the part you control. A short list that you handle well beats a long one you handle badly.

Read each page for one specific thing to ask about, and write a message that gives her something to answer. My view is that most men waste their matches with openers like "hey," which ask her to invent the subject. On a site where the women are serious, a good first message stands out even more.

Then move the chat toward a plan. My approach is short exchanges with a purpose, closing with a plan and an exchange of numbers, and not weeks of chat.

You will learn more from two weeks of use than from any membership figure. Look every day, send thoughtful messages to the women who fit, and count three things: conversations started, conversations that reached a plan, and dates.

If you have a decent list and few conversations, the cause is your photos or your messages. If you have conversations and no plans, you are chatting too long. And if your list is small and your results are good, then the size of the site never mattered. If the same conversations stall on every site, a coach can read them with you and show you where.