For most men, Tinder gives more women to choose from and Facebook Dating gives more to talk about with the women you do find. Neither app publishes a success rate for men, so a firm winner does not exist. People asking whether Facebook Dating is better than Tinder on Reddit are mostly describing their own city. Pick Tinder if you want volume and your photos are strong. Pick Facebook Dating if you are comfortable with shared friends and want an easier first line. Run both for two weeks and let your own numbers decide.
How a match starts on each app
On Tinder you swipe right on a card. If she swipes right on you, it is a match, and only then can you chat. Messaging before a match is a Platinum feature, according to Tinder's own FAQ.
Facebook Dating gives you a separate page inside the Facebook app. Your Facebook friends cannot see it, and nothing you do there appears in your Feed. Before a match you can send one message to someone it suggests, by tapping a photo and writing to her. You cannot write again until she replies or likes you back.
| Tinder | Facebook Dating | |
|---|---|---|
| How you show interest | Swipe right on her card | Like her, or send one message before a match |
| What picks who you see | Location, age and distance, your preferences, your Likes and Nopes | Your preferences, the details you add, and what you do on Facebook |
| Who is in the pool | Anyone active nearby | Includes friends of friends unless you turn that off |
| Shared context | Almost none | Shared Groups, Events, hometown and schools |
| Reputation | A hookup reputation, per a dating coach | Mutual friends can know who you are |
What Tinder gives you
Tinder gives you the biggest crowd. Its recommendations draw on your location, age and distance, your gender preferences, the interests you add, and your Likes and Nopes.
Tinder says being active is the most important thing a user controls, because it prioritizes people who are active at the same time. A man who opens the app once a fortnight is competing with a man who is on it most evenings, and the app favors the second.
a dating coach says Tinder has a hookup reputation, leans on photos, and carries a lot of fake profiles in major US cities. He also says a boring, average page gets the average result. That makes Tinder a good fit for a man with a strong, varied set of photos, and a harsh place for a man with one.
What Facebook Dating gives you
Its edge is shared context. A woman who is in the same running group or went to the same school is easier to open with than a stranger. You start with a line you did not have to invent.
Suggestions come from your preferences, the details you add, such as age, height and education, and what you do on Facebook. It also has Secret Crush, where you add someone from your friends or their friends, and she can see that you liked her.
The cost is reputation. Friends of friends are in the pool, so a woman there may have heard your name. A decent man gains from that. A man who treats women badly finds that his behavior travels.
You can add up to 12 photos and prompts, and one of them must show your face clearly. Facebook may ask for a video selfie that matches a photo on your page.
What the Reddit answers miss
A page of opinions on which app is better is a pile of separate cities. Dating apps are local. An app that is busy where one man lives can be nearly empty an hour away.
a dating coach's rule for choosing an app is that your results depend on whether the women on it are really looking to date. Nobody else can tell you that for your town. You can find out in a few evenings by searching and counting the women who look active and real.
Which man each app suits
Tinder suits a man who has good photos, checks the app most days, and is happy to send a short, specific first message to many women. Be quick about it, because the app favors the man who is active.
Facebook Dating suits a man who has real interests he can name, a few good photos not taken for cousins and old teammates, and the patience to write one careful message. Do not reuse your Facebook photos. Build a set for her: a close shot of your face, a full-length one, something you do, and a group.
A man with weak photos will find the same silence on both.
How to test both
Use the same set of photos on both apps for two weeks. Write down four numbers for each: women you liked, chats that started, numbers or plans you got, and dates you set.
Read the numbers by stage. If almost nobody answers, look at your photos and your first line. If chats start and stall, you are asking too many questions or waiting too long to suggest a drink. If you get dates but no second ones, the app is not the problem.
After two weeks, keep the one that gave you dates with women you were glad to meet. If both did, keep both. If neither did, fix the photos before you blame either one.
Written by Matthew Stevens, Co-Founder & Head Coach. More than half a decade coaching men across the US and worldwide.
Everything here comes out of real coaching work: the approaches, dates, texts and profiles we go through with the men we coach.