Which Dating Apps Are for Relationships and Not Hookups?

Hinge, Bumble, Tinder and OkCupid all let you state what you are looking for, and that is the best tool you have. Hinge describes itself as the dating app designed to be deleted. a dating coach says Bumble has more of a relationship vibe and Tinder a hookup reputation. None of that decides who you meet. The most reliable filter is the one you set yourself. Say what you want on your page, use the app's intention tools, and read hers before you swipe or send a message.

Every cell says what the app's own pages describe. a dating coach's reads of Bumble and Tinder are tendencies, not promises.

Hinge calls itself the dating app designed to be deleted. Its stated aim is to get people off the app and onto dates. Every match starts from a like or a comment on a specific part of a profile, a photo or a prompt, so there is something to talk about before anyone has typed a word.

Paid subscribers can filter by dating intentions. That is the clearest tool on the list, because it removes women who want something different before you see them. Paid tiers change often, so check what yours includes.

Bumble lets people choose a dating intention and filter to see only people whose intentions match. It says you can change yours at any time. a dating coach's read of Bumble is that it has more of a relationship vibe than Tinder, though either can produce either.

That flexibility cuts both ways. A man whose intention is serious can set it and filter. A woman whose intention changed last month may not have updated hers. Read her bio before you trust the label.

Tinder lets people add relationship goals to their profile. a dating coach says it has a hookup reputation, and our view is that the label comes mostly from its photo-first, swipe-fast format, which rewards quick decisions.

You can still meet a relationship there. It means more screening in the first few messages, because a goal on a profile is only as reliable as the person who wrote it.

OkCupid works differently. It matches people on a Match percentage built from the questions each person answers, including what they are looking for. The percentage is visible, so you can see how well your answers line up before you write.

For a man who wants a relationship, that is useful. Answer the questions honestly, including the ones about what you want, and the percentage does some of the screening for you.

Setting and reading intentions on the profile saves a man from matching with someone who wants something different. That is the rule behind all four.

a dating coach adds the point that matters most. A profile attracts whatever it announces. A page written like a man after a hookup draws hookups, and a page that says you want something long-term draws that. So write one plain line about what you want, and make it sound relaxed, not desperate. "Looking for something real, and I am in no hurry" says it.

He also says a woman who is looking for a relationship will be delighted to meet a man who is good at the apps and wants one. You are not at a disadvantage for being honest.

Check three things before you write.

First, read the field if she has filled one in. If it conflicts with what you want, move on without apology.

Second, read the tone of her page. A woman who writes about a trip she is planning and the friends she is bringing is signaling something different from one whose page is only photos.

Third, screen in your first messages: ask about it early and lightly. A question about what she enjoys doing at weekends tells you a lot, and a direct, friendly line about what you are looking for does too. You can ask it in the first few messages without making it heavy.

No setting decides how any one person behaves. Women who say they want a relationship sometimes change their minds, and so do men. Treat the app's tools as a first filter, and then let the first two dates tell you the rest. A man who is clear, calm and quick to suggest a plan finds out fast whether they want the same thing.