What Should You Look For While Dating App for Relationships?

Look for three things: a way to say what you are looking for, pages that carry written answers so you can read a woman before you spend weeks messaging her, and a design that slows things down instead of rewarding fast swipes. An app that has those will not hand you a serious partner, but it gives you the information to find one. The checklist below shows you how to read any app against it.

Some apps ask you to state your intent. eHarmony, for example, asks at sign-up whether you want something casual, something serious or you are not sure, and its quiz produces a Compatibility Score for each member you see. Hinge, Bumble, Tinder and OkCupid each let you say what you are looking for as well.

A stated intent is not proof. A woman can pick "serious" and still want a fling, and a man can do the same. But an app with no way to say it leaves you guessing from the first message, and that wastes the most time.

A woman who has written four or five real answers tells you far more than one who has a name and a picture. You learn how she thinks, what she finds funny and whether she sounds like someone who wants a partner.

Hinge shows her written answers and personal details next to her pictures, and a match starts with a Like on one of them. Match shows recommended people drawn from preferences like faith, smoking, drinking, education and whether someone has or wants kids. Both give you something to read before you reply, which is exactly what you need when you want something lasting.

A fast-swipe app can still work, but you will need to do more of the reading work yourself.

Look at what the app makes easy. If the whole design is a quick yes or no on a picture, most of your matches will have decided in a second and many will be there for the fun of it.

Apps that slow you down tend to attract people who are willing to be slow. Hinge calls itself an app designed to be deleted. Bumble says it wants its members to find meaningful and authentic relationships, and after a match you both have a limited time to send the first message. Neither is a promise. They are a design choice, and a design choice shapes who stays.

a dating coach says Hinge and Bumble have more of a relationship feel, and that Tinder has a hookup reputation though relationships do start there. Treat that as a reason to start with those two, not as a rule.

No app can fix a page that reads like a man looking for something casual. My view is that the page sets the kind of woman who replies. Write that you want something lasting, in one plain sentence, and show it with a real detail, such as how you spend a Sunday or what you would like to build.

Cut the line "no drama, no games" and the list of dealbreakers. They tell her you have been hurt and tell her little about what you offer.

Once you have matches, read for the signs. Does she answer what you asked, or send general lines? Does she tell you things about her week? Does she ask you questions back, and does she remember what you told her?

You are looking for a woman who can hold a conversation and who wants to meet. Ask one specific question about something she wrote and see what she does with it. Within a few exchanges, suggest a plan: coffee, a walk, a drink near her. A woman who wants something serious will be happy to meet you in a normal setting, and a woman who only wants to chat for weeks usually will not.

Be clear about the limits. An app cannot tell you how many serious women are near you, and none publishes that number. It cannot sort people by how serious they are, and it cannot make a woman who does not want a partner into one who does.

My view is that an online page is a supplement. It works in the background while you do other things, like a class, a league or an evening out with friends. Meeting women in your daily life matters at every age, and the app is a cheap way to widen it.

Pick two apps that match what you want, use them for three or four weeks with the same pictures and the same written lines, and count. How many matches became conversations, and how many conversations became plans? Keep the app that answers and drop the other. That one number will tell you more than any list of features.