Dating App Gurus vs. Pick Up Artists: What's the Difference?

A dating app guru focuses on your profile, photos, matches, and texts.

You might bring him your dating app profile. He looks at the first photo, the order of your pictures, and the words in your bio. He may tell you to replace the shot where you wear sunglasses in a dark room. He may ask for a photo that shows your face, your clothes, or what you do outside work.

He also looks at your texts.

If you send, “Hey, how’s your week going?” to every woman, he may help you write a better first message. He might tell you to use something from her profile:

“You said you make great pasta. What dish do you cook when you want to impress someone?”

That gives her a clear question. It also gives her more to answer than “good, you?”

The main goal is to help you get more good talks from your matches. Then you move the talk from the app to a phone call or a date.

This kind of coaching helps when women match with you, but the talks go nowhere. It also helps when your profile gets few matches because your photos and bio give women no clear reason to pick you.

A pick up artist focuses on meeting women in person.

He may teach you how to walk up to a woman at a coffee shop, bar, park, or store. He may give you a first line and show you how to say it with a calm voice.

For example:

“Hey, I saw you looking at that book. Is it any good?”

Or:

“Hi, you have a great style. I wanted to come say hello.”

The line matters less than what happens after it. You need to stand at a normal distance, look at her face, and speak loud enough for her to hear. Then you need to listen to her answer.

A pick up artist may also help you deal with the hard parts of a live talk. Your palms may get wet. Your chest may feel tight. You may think of ten reasons to wait. The coach gets you to walk over before you spend five minutes staring at your phone.

You may practice with a coach nearby. He can tell you that you spoke too fast, asked five questions in a row, or kept talking after she gave short answers.

The main goal is to help you start and hold talks with women you meet in real places.

Dating app coaching starts before you meet her. Pick up coaching starts when she is standing in front of you.

On an app, your first photo may decide whether she opens your profile. Your first message may decide whether she replies. Your texts may decide whether she agrees to meet.

In person, she can see your face, hear your voice, and watch how you act. You cannot edit the moment after you say something. You need to stay calm when she gives you a short answer.

Picture two men with the same goal.

The first man gets matches, but he sends long texts for ten days. He asks about her work, family, food, pets, and travel. He never asks her out. His main problem sits in his texts.

The second man sees a woman he likes at a bar. He wants to say hello, but his feet stay planted near the door. He has no issue with profiles or texting. He needs practice starting a live talk.

Giving both men the same advice would waste time. The first man needs help with his app habits. The second man needs help taking action in a real room.

Some app coaches treat every woman like a reply to win. They may tell you to send the same clever line to every match. That creates dull talks because the message has nothing to do with the woman in front of you.

Some pick up artists treat every woman like a number to collect. They may push you to walk up to women without paying attention to their mood or the place you are in.

A woman reading alone with headphones on is giving you a clear sign she wants quiet. A woman waiting for a friend may be open to a short talk. You need to read the room and respect her answer.

Good advice keeps the woman in the picture. She is not a score. She is a person who can say yes, no, or nothing at all.

You also need to watch for advice that makes you act like someone else. If a line feels strange in your mouth, women will often hear that. A simple sentence that sounds like you will work better than a clever sentence you cannot say without a grin.

Start with the place where you lose women.

If you rarely get matches, look at your photos and profile first. Use clear pictures. Show your face. Include one photo that shows what your life looks like outside your bedroom. Cut the bio jokes that could belong to any man.

If women match with you but stop replying, look at your texts. Keep your messages short. Ask about something she chose to show on her profile. After a few good replies, suggest a simple date.

If women agree to meet but your dates feel flat, work on your live talk. Ask questions, but also share your own stories. When she tells you she likes live music, do not answer with another question at once. Say, “I saw a small band last month. The singer forgot the first verse and laughed about it. The room liked him more after that.”

If you cannot approach women in person, work on that skill directly. Start with a short hello. Do not aim to hold a forty-minute talk with every woman. Say hello, make one clear comment, and see if she wants to keep talking.

The label matters less than the skill being taught. Good coaching shows you what to say, what to change, and what to do when the woman gives you a short reply.

The right teacher works on the exact place where you keep losing the date.