Can You Hire a Wingman? What You Get From a Coach in the Field

Before you hire anyone, ask what you want him to do once he's standing next to you.

It's Friday night. You're at a lounge you like, and two women are talking at a high table. You want to meet the one on the left. Your friend is on his phone. The room is filling up. You can feel the set closing while you work out how to start.

That's the night a man has in mind when he asks whether he can hire a wingman. He doesn't want a stranger to hold his drink. He wants someone good at this on his side while it happens.

You can have that. But it helps to know what a wingman is really for before you decide who to bring.

A wingman has one main job. He lets you talk with a woman, just the two of you, when she has other people around her.

Picture the usual case: two women out together. You want to talk to one of them. You can't ignore her friend. She gets bored, or feels left out, or steps in when the talk gets personal. If the friend has someone good to talk to as well, the whole set relaxes. Sometimes the friend even starts hoping her friend likes you.

That's the whole idea. A wingman handles the other woman so you can talk to the one you came for.

It also means a wingman isn't much use everywhere:

• A woman on her own. Most of the time you're better off without him. He can do more harm than good.
• A group of three or more. It gets harder fast. Every extra man has to hold a good conversation for the set to work.
• During the day. Winging is mostly a night out thing. In the daytime you meet women on their own far more often, so there's less for a wing to do.

So a wingman is a tool for one kind of set. He's not a general cure for nerves.

A good friend still helps. If you get to the bar early and it's empty, he's someone to talk to. If a woman turns you down, he can give you a high five and tell you it's fine. If you're nervous about walking up, he can push you into the approach you'd have skipped.

Standing next to someone feels more natural than standing alone. Also, in a nightclub, most people aren't looking at you at all.

But there are two limits.

First, a wingman should never make you worse than you'd be on your own. That sounds obvious, and it happens all the time. Men with a friend along skip the woman they'd have approached alone. They worry the friend will judge their taste. Or they spend the night hunting for a pair of women who are both attractive, and miss everyone else.

Second, a friend can tell you how the set felt. He usually can't tell you what you did. He's not trained to see it, and he may be as new at this as you are. So you leave the night with company and the same habits you came with.

The most useful person to have beside you is a coach, not a friend.

That's what a ColdApproach.io Bootcamp is. A coach goes into the field with you, in the places you'd actually meet women, and does the job a friend can't:

• He's there live for every approach, so he sees what you do before you say a word.
• After each set, he tells you what he saw while you both still remember it.
• Then you go again, and he watches whether it changed.

A friend gives you a night out. A coach gives you the night and the lesson.

You can't watch yourself approach a woman. You remember what you said. You don't remember how long you stood there first. You don't remember that she smiled and you missed it.

A coach has the missing half. A mentor or coach can save you YEARS of frustration and mistakes just by looking at you in action. Sometimes major mistakes you're making in field can be corrected with literally one comment.

And the first mistake is usually smaller than men expect. Most guys lose the girl not because they did something wrong. They hesitated.

That's why we say the best athletes in the world still have coaches. Billionaires have business and investment coaches. World class singers have vocal coaches. You'd never learn a serious skill by practicing alone and guessing what went wrong. Meeting women works the same way.

It's 24 hours of in-person coaching across three days, in New York, Miami or Chicago. It's not a classroom. You spend the time approaching real women, in daygame and nightgame, with your coach beside you. He balances the two around what you most need to work on.

The three days usually run like this:

• Day 1. Foundations and first approaches. You get past approach anxiety, get through the first 30 seconds, and stop running out of things to say.
• Day 2. A full day in the field, with real-time feedback on attraction, flirting and moving things forward.
• Day 3. Dates, texting and your plan. You turn numbers into dates, fix your texting, and leave with a written plan for what to work on next.

You don't need any experience first. If approach anxiety is what keeps you at the table, you're exactly who it's for.

You choose how much of the coach you want.

Group gives you live coaching and feedback. You share the coach with up to two other students. Private makes all three days about you, your approaches and your sticking points. There's nobody else to wait for.

You can still use the community after the three days. Weekly 1-on-1 coaching is its own program.

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Sometimes you don't need one.

• You want company on a night out. Call a friend. That's what friends are good at.
• You have one narrow question, like a text you can't answer. A 1-on-1 Call lets a coach look at that one thing.
• You already approach often and know why sets end. You may need a sharper tool than a wing.

But if you hesitate at the table, or you approach and can't tell what's going wrong, a friend won't fix it. You need someone who can see it.

Tired of watching the woman you wanted to meet leave while you decide what to say? Three days with a coach next to you shows you exactly what's holding you back, and gives you the reps to change it.

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Not sure it's the right fit? Find your program and tell us where you are now. If it looks like we can help, we'll talk it through on an application call and tell you which option makes sense.