Why Won't OkCupid Accept My Phone Number?

Usually for one of two reasons. OkCupid needs a number that can receive SMS, so landlines and some internet-based numbers and texting apps will not work. And each number can be verified on only one OkCupid account at a time. If yours is already in use, log in to the other account with that number and delete it first.

OkCupid verifies you by sending an SMS, so it needs a number that can receive one. Three kinds of number tend to fail:

• Landlines, which cannot receive SMS at all.
• Some internet-based numbers, the kind that come from a calling service rather than a mobile carrier.
• Numbers from texting apps.

If you tried one of those, switch to your ordinary mobile number, the one your carrier gave you with your phone plan. That is the kind of number OkCupid is built to verify.

Not sure which kind you have? Ask a friend to send an ordinary text to it. If it arrives on your phone like any other text, the number is probably fine.

The other common cause is simpler. A number can be verified on only one OkCupid account at a time. If OkCupid tells you your number is already in use, it is attached to another account.

Usually that account is yours. Plenty of men signed up years ago, drifted away, and forgot the old account existed. Others made a second one during a break from dating and never deleted the first.

OkCupid's fix is direct:

1. Log in to the other account using that phone number.
2. Delete that account.
3. Go back to the account you want to keep and verify the number there.

Before you delete, look through the old account once. If a conversation there still matters to you, note down what you need from it first. Then clear it out.

Sometimes the old account is out of reach. You may have forgotten which email you used. Or the number may have belonged to someone else before your carrier gave it to you.

OkCupid handles help requests through its online support form, not by phone. Explain that your number is attached to an account you cannot access, give the number, and ask for help. A short, specific request is easier for support to act on than a long, angry one.

Do not try to get around the rule with a friend's number or a number from a texting app. The first ties your account to someone else's phone, so every future code goes to them. The second will not verify at all.

If the number was stuck on an account you forgot, open it and have a look before you delete it. It is a useful mirror.

Most old accounts show the same things: photos from years ago, a few lines written in a hurry, and conversations that went nowhere. Notice what you would change. Were the photos dark, distant or out of date? Did the conversations stall after a few polite questions and never turn into a plan? Those are the parts to do differently this time.

The one-number rule has a side benefit. It pushes you toward a single account, and a single account you keep improving beats several you half-maintain.

Treat the account as something you tune, not something you set up once and forget. Change one thing, give it a week or two, and notice whether more women like you back or answer your first line. Keep what works and drop what does not. A new lead photo, a sharper opening line in your written section, a narrower set of women you like: each one is a small test.

Men who get good results from dating apps rarely got there on the first version. They kept adjusting while everyone else kept complaining. Other men on the app are improving too, so standing still slowly costs you ground.

A working number gets you back in. What you do next decides whether it was worth the trouble.

Start with recent photos that show your face clearly and your life honestly. Write a few lines that sound like you rather than every other man on the app. Then be choosy with your likes. Men who like almost everyone tend to do worse than men who choose, because a like sent to everyone says nothing about her.

When a conversation is going well, suggest a drink early and swap numbers once she is clearly interested. That is where your own mobile number earns its place. The conversation moves to your phone, and an account problem can never cut you off from a woman you were about to see.