Why Is eHarmony Asking Me to Verify My Age?

Because the law requires it. eHarmony says age verification is a legal requirement that keeps minors off the site, so it cannot be skipped, even by men who are obviously well over 18. Center your face in the round frame in bright, even light, and allow up to 15 minutes for the verification to go through.

Being asked to prove you are an adult when you have gray in your beard can feel faintly insulting. It is not personal. eHarmony says the check is a legal requirement, and its purpose is to keep minors off the site.

Because it is the law, there is no exception for men who are clearly older. The site cannot wave you through on how you look. Everyone goes through the same check, which is also why there is no point arguing with it. Do it once, properly, and move on.

Think of it like the doorman at a bar checking IDs. He is not accusing you of anything. He is doing the job the law gives him, and the line moves faster when everyone just hands their card over.

The check asks you to center your face in a round frame on the screen. eHarmony's advice is short: keep your face centered, use bright, even light, and take off any cap or glasses.

Bright, even light means light falling on your whole face from the front. A window in daytime works well. A single lamp to one side throws half your face into shadow, and a bright window behind you turns you into a silhouette. Take your glasses off even if you wear them every day, and keep your face in the middle of the circle until it is done. Hold the phone at eye level rather than below your chin, so the camera sees your face straight on.

Sometimes the face check is not the end of it, and eHarmony asks for a photo of your ID. If it does, photograph both sides clearly.

Lay the card flat on a plain, dark surface in good light. Make sure all four corners are in the shot and no glare covers the text. A blurry or cropped photo of an ID is the easiest way to turn a short check into a long one.

Use your own document, with the same name and birthday you gave eHarmony when you signed up. Details that match make the whole thing straightforward.

eHarmony says to allow up to 15 minutes for verification. There is no reason to panic after two minutes and start over.

Do it when you have a quarter of an hour free, not in the gap between two meetings. Then leave it alone while it runs, and come back to it.

If it still has not gone through after the full wait, check that you finished every step on the screen. If you did and it is still hanging, contact eHarmony's Customer Care instead of starting the whole thing again.

The check only asks whether you are an adult. It is still a good prompt to look at how your age shows up everywhere else on your page.

Men sometimes blur their age a little: a photo from a few years back, a vague answer, a birthday entered a year or two late. On a site where most people want something serious, that is a bad trade. a dating coach says that when a woman asks his age, he nearly always just tells her, and owning the number is what stops it from mattering.

Honesty also saves you work. A man who tells the truth about his age never has to remember which version he gave to which woman.

Every age has something real to offer. Current photos with your actual age next to them are what make a first date feel like meeting the man she expected, rather than a slightly older cousin of him.

When the check clears, go back to what you were doing. Look through your suggested partners, reply to anyone who wrote to you, and send a short, specific note to the women who interest you.

Make each note about her rather than about you: one detail from her page and a question she can answer easily. When a conversation has had a few good exchanges, suggest meeting for a drink. Verification is a box to tick. The date is the point.