Why Does eHarmony Keep Asking for a Verification Code?

eHarmony uses two-factor authentication, and you cannot turn it off. Whenever you log in from a device or browser it does not recognize, it emails you a 4-digit code that stays valid for 6 hours. Each device or browser only needs verifying once. So if the code comes back every time, something is deleting your cookies. Often it is an antivirus program or a VPN doing it automatically.

Two-factor authentication means your password alone is not enough to get in. eHarmony also wants a code that only the owner of your email address can see.

The first time you log in on a phone, a laptop, or a different browser on the same laptop, eHarmony sends a 4-digit code to your email. You type it in, and that device or browser is now verified. The code is good for 6 hours after it is sent. If a few emails have piled up, use the newest one.

eHarmony does not let members switch this off, so there is no setting to hunt for. The useful question is why a device you already verified is being treated as a stranger.

eHarmony remembers that you verified a browser by storing a cookie in it. Delete that cookie and the browser forgets you, so the next login looks like a brand new device and triggers a fresh code.

The frustrating part is that you often did not delete anything yourself. eHarmony's help page names two things that can do it automatically:

• Antivirus software. Some security programs have a cleaning feature that wipes browsing data on a schedule or every time you close the browser.
• A VPN. Some VPN apps clear cookies as part of their privacy settings.

Your own browser can do the same thing. A private or incognito window throws its cookies away when you close it. A browser set to clear data on exit does the same. And if you switch between two browsers, each one counts separately and needs its own code.

Work through the likely causes in order, and test after each one.

1. Use one browser. Pick the one you like and log in to eHarmony only there.
2. Leave private mode. Log in from a normal window, not an incognito one.
3. Check the browser's settings. Look for an option that clears cookies or site data when the browser closes, and turn it off, or add eHarmony as an exception if your browser allows one.
4. Check your antivirus. Look for a cleanup or privacy feature that deletes browsing data. Some let you exclude a site rather than switching the whole feature off, which is the better choice.
5. Check your VPN. If it has a setting that clears cookies, see whether it lets you keep them for sites you trust.

After each change, log in, enter the code once, close the browser, and log in again. When the second login goes straight through, you have found the cause.

Do not strip out protection you actually want just to skip a 4-digit code. An exception for one site is often available, and it is the sensible fix.

The code arrives by email, so any delay is usually the email's fault rather than eHarmony's.

Look in your spam and promotions folders first. Make sure the address on your account is one you still check. And since each code lasts 6 hours, a code that landed an hour ago still works.

This sounds like a tech problem. It is really a results problem.

Every login that turns into a hunt through your inbox is a small cost, and small costs are exactly what make men check a site less often. A man who dreads logging in stops replying for two or three days at a time. A woman who wrote to you on Monday and hears nothing until Thursday has usually moved on to the man who answered on Monday.

Interest on a dating site fades fast. The conversations that turn into dates are almost always the ones where both people replied while the last message was still fresh. Fixing the code problem is how you stay around for those.

Once the codes stop, build a habit that uses the easy access well.

Check in once in the morning and once in the evening, for ten minutes each time, instead of opening the site whenever you are bored. Reply to the women waiting on you first. Then write to one or two new women, with a short message about something specific on her page and an easy question to answer.

When a conversation is going well, do not let it drift. Float the idea of a drink after a few messages, and ask for her number so you can pin down the day. The point of getting in quickly is getting out again, with a plan.