Why Facebook Dating Asks You to Verify With a Video Selfie

Facebook says it may ask you to verify yourself on Dating to help keep the community safe. The request shows up when you open Dating, and you cannot use Dating until you finish it. You follow the instructions on the screen and record a video selfie. It has to match a photo you have already added. Then you check your notifications for updates.

The steps are simple, and Facebook walks you through them.

1. Open Dating and you will see the prompt to verify.
2. Follow the instructions on the screen.
3. Record and submit a video selfie. It has to match a photo on your Dating profile.
4. Keep an eye on your notifications. That is where updates on the check arrive.

Until the check is done, Dating is closed to you. You cannot browse, and you cannot get back to the women you were talking to. That is the part that stings, so it is worth getting the video right the first time.

Anyone who has spent time on dating apps knows the problem. Accounts with stolen photos, bots that send a link after two lines, and people who look nothing like their pictures. Every one of those wastes an evening of a real man's attention.

Facebook's own explanation is safety. It says it may ask people to verify to help keep the Dating community safe. It does not describe the check as a punishment, so there is no reason to treat being asked as a sign you did something wrong.

For a man looking for real dates, a check like this is good news. Every fake account it stops is one fewer conversation that was never going to end in a drink.

The video is compared with a photo you have already added, so make the comparison easy. None of this is a Facebook rule. It is just what makes a face easy to match.

• Take off sunglasses and hats. Your whole face should be visible, the way it is in your photos.
• Face the light. Stand facing a window or a lamp so your face is not in shadow. A light behind you turns you into a silhouette.
• Hold the phone at eye level. Looking up from under your chin changes the shape of your face on camera.
• Do exactly what the screen asks. If it tells you to turn your head or hold still, do that and nothing else.

Here is the useful lesson inside an annoying check. The machine is asking the question every woman asks when you walk into the bar for a first date: is this the man from the photos?

Women know that people rarely look quite as good in person as in their best pictures, and they expect a small gap. A big gap is different. Photos from ten years and fifteen pounds ago, a heavy filter, or sunglasses in every shot all set up a letdown before you have said a word.

So once you are back in, look at your set honestly. Every photo should look like you now, on a good day. Add at least one clear, well lit photo of your face. That helps with any future check, and it helps far more with the women who will see it.

The same logic helps you read her photos. If a woman has four stunning shots and one ordinary one, the ordinary one is usually closer to the woman who will walk in. That is no reason to skip the date. It is a reason to judge by the whole set, not by the best photo in it.

Keep an eye on your notifications, since that is where Facebook says updates arrive.

Use the time well. If you already have numbers from women you met on Dating, those conversations are not locked behind the check. Text them. Suggest a specific evening. A few days away from Dating is a good nudge to move promising chats to text, which is where they should be heading anyway.

Record yourself, live, following the instructions. Do not hold up a picture, play an old video, or ask a better looking friend to stand in. The check exists to confirm that you are the person in your photos, and anything designed to beat it defeats the only reason you would want a woman to trust your account.

If something goes wrong, go back to the prompt and follow Facebook's instructions again. Do not start opening fresh accounts. A man who gets through the check honestly ends up with an account that women can believe, and on a dating app, being believable is worth more than being clever.