Why Does eHarmony Log You Out While Writing a Message?

eHarmony times out after 20 minutes, and typing in a text box does not count as activity. So if you spend a long stretch writing one message without clicking anything else, the site treats you as gone and signs you out. Your work is not lost: a draft of the message is saved in the Messages tab.

Log back in and open the Messages tab. The draft you were writing when the timeout hit is waiting there.

Check it before you start again from memory. Finish it, read it through once, and send it. Rewriting the whole thing from scratch is how a ten-minute message turns into a forty-minute one.

Messages are safe. The sections that describe you are not.

eHarmony says that if you time out while typing in your About Me sections, that text is lost. There is no draft to recover. A man who sits down to write a careful paragraph about himself, thinks about each line, and never clicks anything can lose all of it in one go.

This catches men because writing about yourself is slow. You type a line, delete it, stare at the screen, and type it again. None of that counts as activity, so twenty minutes pass faster than you think.

The fix is simple. Write anything longer than a couple of lines in your phone's notes app or a document, then paste it in and save.

That habit protects your work, and it gives you a chance to edit before anyone reads it. Read what you wrote out loud. Cut any line that sounds like a job application: "I'm hardworking, loyal and love to laugh" describes half the men on the site. Keep the lines only you could have written, the ones about the city you moved to for work or the Sunday football game you have not missed in three years.

Short and specific beats long and careful. If a section is taking twenty minutes, it is probably too long for her to enjoy reading anyway.

Here is the uncomfortable part. If eHarmony is timing you out halfway through a message, the message itself is usually the problem.

The first messages that get answered are short. One light comment about something specific on her page, and one easy question she can answer in a line. That takes two minutes to write.

A long letter does the opposite of what you want. It asks her to match an effort she has not decided to make yet. It also shows how much you have invested in a woman you have never spoken to, and heavy investment that early reads as need. Many women will skim a wall of text, feel the pressure, and simply not reply.

Replies to an ongoing conversation follow the same rule. Two or three lines that answer her, add something about you, and keep things light will carry a conversation further than a page of careful writing.

Pick the most specific thing on her page and react to it like a person, not a pen pal.

If she has a photo holding a giant fish, try: "That fish looks personally offended to be in your photo. Where were you when you caught it?" If she wrote that she is training for a half marathon, try: "Half marathon training explains why you look this cheerful at 7am. What race are you doing?"

Neither of those takes long to write, and both give her something easy to answer. That is the whole job of a first message.

Speed matters on a dating site. A woman is often talking to several men at once, and her attention goes to the ones who answer while she is still thinking about the conversation.

Short messages let you reply quickly, which keeps things moving. They also leave room for the thing that actually matters, which is getting off the site. After a few good exchanges, suggest a drink as a light idea. A few messages after that, ask for her number so you can pick the day.

Once your messages are short, the timeout stops being an issue. You will be in and out of the site long before twenty minutes pass.

Spend the time you win back on the part of dating no text box can do for you. Reply to the women waiting on you, set up the next date, and turn up for it. A message is only ever the way in.