Why Do Asian Men Get Fewer Matches on Dating Apps?

Because bias and stereotypes shape how some women react to a stranger's photo, before they read a word you wrote. A sociologist at the University of British Columbia, writing in The Conversation, cites research finding that Asian men get the fewest unsolicited messages from women. No page we read gives match counts, so nobody can tell you your exact number. You can't change the bias, but you can change what a woman sees first.

Be careful with numbers here. Most of the data is old. The sources below name who published them, but several don't give sample sizes or methods.

• Stated preferences. A sociologist at the University of British Columbia, Yue Qian, writing in The Conversation, cites US research in which more than 90 per cent of non-Asian women excluded Asian men when stating racial preferences. She also cites research finding that Asian men get the fewest unsolicited messages from women.
• Behavior on OkCupid. Pacific Standard reports that OkCupid's research arm found that users favored their own race, and that fewer users said so when asked in later years while their behavior stayed the same.
• Speed dating. Pacific Standard reports a Columbia speed-dating event where women were 33 percent less likely to say yes to seeing an Asian man again than a man of another race.
• A small experiment. Qian and her partner made a male and a female profile on an unnamed app, with the same name, interests and style of photo. Over a few days the woman's profile got likes, winks and messages every day. The man's got nothing. It wasn't a controlled study, so treat it as an example and not a measurement.

Keep the limits in mind. These studies come from particular sites, particular groups and particular years, and the apps have changed since. The profile experiment was informal. The studies show a gap, and an average across thousands of men can't tell you your own odds.

Qian points to stereotypes of Asian men as unmasculine or geeky, shaped by media and by old ideas about which men are desirable. A psychotherapist who works with Asian men, Sam Louie, writes in Psychology Today that Asian men who date white women face stereotypes of being "weak, shy, and lacking initiative." That's his clinical observation, not a study.

Apps may add to it. Qian notes that apps let people filter big pools of strangers, so easy-to-spot traits like race may matter more. My judgment: on an app a woman decides fast, mostly from a photo.

Louie's advice: don't rely on the apps alone. Get out and meet women in person, where she can see your body language and hear your tone.

You can't fix someone's stereotype. You can fix what she sees in that first second and what she reads next.

The first photo. Use one clear picture of your face in daylight with a real smile. No sunglasses, no group shot where she has to guess which man you are, and no distant situation. a dating coach says you are judged on your worst picture, so remove the weakest one even if it means fewer photos. Then add shots that show a life: something you do, somewhere you go, a person who clearly likes you.

Clothes and hair. A shirt that fits at the shoulder beats an expensive one that doesn't, and a good haircut changes every picture.

The first message. Don't open with "hi, how are you." Write one specific line about something on her profile, tease her a little, and keep it short. Playfulness breaks a stereotype in one sentence. A polite, passive message confirms it.

coach has a tactic for this: if the stereotype of your group is mild-mannered, be less mild-mannered, and if it is intimidating, add warmth. Play against what people expect.

Your own profile. Give her three concrete things she could ask about. Skip the list of adjectives.

a dating coach says online dating has been an amazing source of success for him and that testing is the whole game. Don't read one slow week as a verdict. Keep the same photos and the same opening style for two weeks, and count matches, replies, plans and dates. Then change one thing and count again.

• Few matches means the first photo needs work.
• Matches but few replies means the first line needs work.
• Replies but no dates means how you ask for the date needs work.

Each step has its own fix, and you only see which one is yours by counting.

Where you live decides which app has the most women looking to date. My view is that Hinge tends to be better in big US cities, while Tinder is nearly the only app in many places in Europe. Try two apps for a few weeks and keep the one that gives you real conversations. Some apps let users filter, and a woman who filters you out never shows up in your feed. Distance and age do the same.

Louie's clients had waited to date until they had degrees and stable jobs, and then found the app pool small. coach has seen men wait years to look right before they go out, and says to work on fitness, style and your messages while you are dating, not before. A man who is out meeting people and also on an app gets more dates than one who is only on the app.