Why Are Dating App Photos So Bad?

Most dating app photos are bad because nobody took them on purpose. They are whatever was already on the phone: a selfie in a dull room, a cropped group shot, a picture from a trip where the man is a small dot. The fix is not better gear. It is taking a few photos deliberately and throwing away the rest.

A man usually has plenty of photos of other things and almost none of himself. The ones that exist were taken by a friend who was aiming at the view, or by himself at arm's length.

That is why so many sets look alike. a dating coach, reviewing a stack of men's pages, kept finding the same thing. A decent-looking man stands in a normal room, in normal clothes, with nothing special about the room or about him. The photo is not offensive. It is forgettable, and a woman who sees dozens of pages in a sitting passes on forgettable without a second look.

Some photos are bad in ways that can be seen at once. a dating coach pointed to one that was off-center, badly lit, and cropped so that the man's head was not fully in the frame. Another showed a man snowboarding, in which he was not actually snowboarding and his face was barely visible.

Those are fixable in minutes. Stand in daylight, near a window or outside. Put the camera at about eye level. Make sure your whole face is in the frame and the picture is sharp. A friend with a phone beats any selfie, and plenty of attempts will give you two or three you can use.

Group photos fail for a plain reason. a dating coach looked at a good-looking shot of a crowd and said he could not tell who the man was, whether he was one of the adults or one of the kids. A group shot is fine as the third or fourth photo, once she already knows your face. As the first, it makes her do detective work.

Even decent photos can say nothing. Five pictures of the same face in the same pose show her a face and no life. a dating coach wants a set that makes it look like you have an interesting life and are popular in it: a place you actually go, friends, something you do.

He also treats one photo as the exception. His own best-performing photo is not his best looking or his highest status. It is a strange one, a photo that makes a woman wonder what is going on, and he says it gets him the most comments and the most likes. He calls it a curiosity photo: it gives her something easy to say, so she writes instead of just tapping a heart.

A shirtless mirror shot, a parked car, a gym wall. These are common because men believe they look impressive, but they tell her what you want from her, and they are exactly what she has seen all week.

a dating coach also warns against a photo that shows off something she can easily find better elsewhere. A man with a good but not extraordinary build can lose in a direct comparison with the other men she is looking at. a dating coach says he is better off showing nothing than showing something below her level.

Many men keep a photo because it is the only one with them smiling, or the only one outdoors. a dating coach's advice is blunt: if one picture is clearly worse than the others, drop it. You do not need every slot filled.

A set of three good photos beats a set of six where half are filler.

1. Ask a friend to take about fifty photos of you outside in daylight. Walking, sitting, laughing at something.
2. Wear two or three different outfits and visit two or three different places, so the photos look like different days.
3. Pick out the ones where your face is clear and you look relaxed. Throw out anything cropped, dark or blurry.
4. Show the shortlist to a woman who does not know you, and a friend who will be honest. Ask which one she would stop on.
5. Keep one photo that is a little odd, with a story you can tell in a sentence.

If you do not have the friend or the afternoon, a full set can be built for you from selfies you already have. Either way the goal is the same: photos that look like you on a good day, taken on purpose.