Where to Approach Women in New York City: Daygame and Nightgame Spots

By day, go where people have chosen to slow down: a park, a waterfront lawn, a cafe. After dark, go to a bar that is busy but not so loud you cannot talk. Venues in New York change fast, but those two ideas hold up, and so does the rule that matters more than any address: approach a woman who has the time to talk, and let her go if she does not.

a dating coach calls New York his favorite city for learning, because the supply of strangers is close to endless. His reasoning is simple: "If you talk to a girl and it doesn't go well, it will soon be forgotten. You'll probably never see her again."

He also says people here are more open than you would guess: "People in New York are a bit more social when they're out than in a lot of other cities." A lot of people moved here recently and are still building a social life.

That is why the best spot is the one where she is not rushing. A woman on her way to a meeting is a bad set anywhere. A woman reading on a bench is a good one.

My number one place for daytime approaches in New York is a park, and he names four: Washington Square Park, Bryant Park, Madison Square Park and Union Square Park. He adds that which one is best tends to cycle over time, so try all four.

His reason is the part worth remembering: "If someone's out in a park, they've come out to be among people. If someone wanted to be alone and didn't want to talk to anyone, they'd be at home in their apartment."

A few facts about each, from the people who run them:

• Madison Square Park is about seven acres near the Flatiron Building and is managed by the Madison Square Park Conservancy. The conservancy says it draws about 60,000 visitors a day and lists public art, a Shake Shack and a reflecting pool among its features. Its lawns are open from 10 AM to 5 PM, weather permitting.
• Bryant Park sits in Midtown, surrounded by skyscrapers, and its own site says it has more than 12 million visitors a year.
• Washington Square Park is a NYC Parks property. NYC Parks' history pages describe its marble arch and its fountain, which was moved to line up with the arch.
• Union Square Park is the fourth park coach names. Check the current listing before you go for anything you plan around, such as the farmers market.

coach also says the best place to meet women is "everywhere", meaning a coffee shop or the sidewalk if a woman there looks open. These are places where people tend to be walking slowly:

• The High Line is a park built on an old rail line above the street, run by the nonprofit Friends of the High Line. Its hours change by season, so check the page. It bans bicycles, skateboards and blocking entrances or paths, so a conversation should happen off to the side, never in the middle of the walkway.
• Hudson River Park has Pier 45 at the foot of Christopher Street, which the Hudson River Park Trust describes as a place to relax on a large green lawn in warmer months. Its Chelsea section runs from West 17th to West 34th Street.

Use caution on busy sidewalks. My warning is plain: many people are walking in the street, some with headphones in, some in crowds where it is hard to get access to anyone. You can still say hello there. You just get fewer good conversations per hour.

coach says individual venues turn over so quickly that any list would be out of date in a few months, but "the categories of venues stay the same." He sorts New York nightlife into three tiers:

• General admission bars. Easy to enter, no planning. He likes to bar hop through them, looking in and moving on if nobody catches his eye, even midweek, when a woman who is out has no plan.
• Semi-exclusive rooms. His personal favorite. They may give a man alone some trouble at the door, which is also what keeps the ratio better inside.
• High-end clubs. Hard to get into, and heavy on bottle service, so there is less mingling.

His tip for any of them: stay out late. As the night goes on, the crowd thins and the women still out are often no longer tied to friends who went home, so the conversations get easier to start. Rooftops in warm weather are another favorite of his, because you are out in the open air.

For neighborhoods that suit an evening on foot, the Lower East Side, East Village, Meatpacking District and Williamsburg are covered in our New York Bootcamp article.

A friendly hello is not harassment, and the line is easy to see. If she answers briefly, looks away or keeps walking, the conversation is over. "Enjoy your day" is a complete ending. Keep going after she has made it clear she is not interested, and you have crossed it.

The approach we teach starts with reading her first. If she is busy, hurried or plainly closed off, you let her go. If she is relaxed and open, you can say hello.

Knowing the spots is the easy part. The hard part is the moment a woman you want to meet walks past you. My advice for the early reps is to "get a lot of approaches in, get over approach anxiety," and a coach next to you makes that happen on a real street instead of in your head.

On a Bootcamp in New York, you spend your training days in the field with a coach, daygame by day and nightgame at night, with feedback on every set. Group coaching is available on request in New York, and a Private Bootcamp is arranged with you once you book. The exact places are chosen for you, not taken from a list like this one.

Can you daygame in New York City?

Yes. a dating coach calls it his favorite daygame city in the world during the warm months, because there are so many people out and so many places to stop and talk.

What is the best park for approaching women in New York?

coach names Washington Square, Bryant, Madison Square and Union Square, and says the best one moves around over time. Try each on a different day and notice where women are sitting and not rushing.

Do I need to go to expensive clubs?

No. coach describes bars with no cover or door as completely accessible, and says you can walk in with no planning. Expensive clubs have a different set of tradeoffs.

What if she has headphones in?

Read the situation. Headphones on a hurried walker usually mean not now. A woman on a bench with headphones on is a different case, so make your hello short and let her decide.