What to Say to a Woman at a Rave

Say something short about the music or the moment: "Who are you here to see?", "This set is unreal, right?", or "I love your outfit, did you make it?" At a rave you cannot hold a long chat over the sound, so your first line only needs to be friendly, easy to hear and easy to answer. Raves and festivals are some of the friendliest crowds there are, and turning to the person next to you is normal. The rest is reading whether she wants to dance, talk or get back to her friends.

The bass at a rave makes full sentences nearly useless. You will be leaning in, half shouting, and she will catch maybe every third word. So pick lines she can understand even if she only hears the end.

Lean toward her ear, not into her face. Say it once, smile, and wait. If she leans back toward you to answer, she wants to talk. If she nods and turns back to the stage, enjoy the music and leave it there.

The music, the artists and what people are wearing are all fair game. A few that work:

• "Who are you here for tonight?"
• "Have you seen this DJ before? Is it always like this?"
• "Your outfit is the best thing I have seen all night."
• "First time at this one, or are you a regular?"
• "Okay, what was that last track? I need it."

Each one is a question about something she already cares about, because she chose to be there. Festival regulars on Reddit say the same thing: turn to whoever is next to you, say hi, ask what music they like. Telling people you came alone works too, since it invites them to adopt you for the night.

You do not need to cross a whole field to find her. Raves pack people close together, which means you have neighbors for the length of a set.

Make friends with your little patch of the crowd first. Talk to the guys next to you, high five the group in front when the drop hits. When you then turn to the woman beside you, you are not a stranger coming out of nowhere. You are the friendly guy who has been dancing there for twenty minutes.

Rave culture has a habit of trading small gifts, and it gives you an easy way in. Festival goers on Reddit suggest bringing a few glow sticks or stickers to hand out. Offering one to a girl and her friends is about the lowest pressure opener there is.

Gum and a spare hair tie work the same way. So does a bottle of water on a hot night, offered to the whole group rather than only her.

At a rave, dancing near each other is half the interaction. If she is dancing close and smiling at you, dance with her. If she turns away or steps back toward her friends, give her space. Being near someone on a packed floor is not the same as her being interested.

Talking is easier between sets, at the bar, in the water line, or in a chill area away from the speakers. When the two of you have shared a few minutes on the floor, suggest it: "Want to come grab water? I can barely hear you." A quieter spot is where you find out her name and whether she actually likes you.

dating advice points out that at shows like these women are nearly always with friends, and the friends will protect her if you look like trouble. So win them over. Include them in your jokes, offer the glow sticks to the whole group, and never try to pull her away from people she came with in the middle of a set.

If the group moves, let her go with them. Festivals are crowded, and groups that get separated rarely find each other again. A man who respects that looks like someone she can trust.

Phones die, signal drops and crowds split people up in seconds. If the two of you are getting along, do not wait for the end of the night. Between sets, ask for her number or Instagram and send her a quick note right there so it is saved on both phones. Then suggest meeting at a specific stage later.

A rave makes approaching feel easy because everyone is in a good mood. Most other places do not, and that is where men lock up.

The Cold Approach Bootcamp is in person and fully in the field, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. It runs in Miami and New York only. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days. A total beginner is welcome, and approach anxiety is the specialty.