What Should You Write in Your eHarmony Profile?

Full answers, and specific ones. eHarmony says many members ignore empty or incomplete profiles, so answer each question with at least two or three sentences. Be specific about what you love doing and the places you want to go, check your spelling and grammar, stay positive, and leave out sarcasm and stories about past relationships.

A one-line answer tells her you did the minimum. eHarmony's own view is that many members pass over profiles that are empty or half finished, and it is easy to see why. On a site built for people who want something serious, a man who could not be bothered to write two sentences does not look serious.

a dating coach is blunt about this on every dating site. If you have not written anything, you cannot expect results from effort you never put in. Two or three sentences per question is not much. It is enough to show you took it seriously.

Length alone does not do it. Three sentences of general claims are just a longer way of saying nothing.

My test is whether the answer paints a picture. General statements fade into the background, while a specific scene sticks. Compare two answers to a question about what you love doing:

• "I love food and eating out."
• "I am slowly working through every noodle place in my neighborhood. The best so far is a tiny spot with six stools and a line out the door on Fridays."

The first could belong to any man on the site. The second tells her where you spend your evenings and hands her an easy question: which place, and when is she invited?

eHarmony specifically suggests being specific about the places you want to go. That is good advice, because a plan is more attractive than a wish.

"I want to travel more" is a wish. "I am saving up for two weeks driving the coast of Scotland, and I want to do it with someone who does not mind rain" is a plan with a personality in it. It also quietly shows her the kind of life she would be joining.

Local plans count too. The market you walk to every Saturday morning, or the quiz night your team has never once won, tells her about your week in a way a list of hobbies cannot.

Sarcasm works in person because she can see your face and hear your tone. In writing, most of that is lost, and a dry joke about hating everything reads as a man who actually does. eHarmony advises against it, and that is the reason it goes wrong.

Positive does not mean bland. It means writing about what you like rather than what you cannot stand. My list of things to keep out of your writing is short: nothing negative, needy, strange or deal-breaking. A line like "no drama, no games" breaks that rule while trying to sound firm. All it tells her is that you have had plenty of both.

eHarmony also advises against dwelling on past relationships, and this is the one men get wrong while trying to be honest. Mentioning plainly that you are divorced is fine if it is part of your life.

What goes wrong is the explanation. A paragraph about what happened last time reads like a man still living in it. Keep the past to a single fact, if you mention it at all, and spend your words on the life you have now.

If you have children, they belong in your answers as part of that life, not as part of the backstory. A line about teaching your son to ride a bike in the park tells her far more than any account of how you came to be a single dad.

My point about writing for any dating site is that you attract what you describe. Write like a man looking for something casual, and casual is what shows up. Write like a man who wants a relationship, and the women who answer want one too.

On eHarmony that matters more than most places, because the site leans heavily toward people who want something lasting. Say so plainly, in your own words, somewhere in your answers. Then read the whole thing once for spelling and grammar before you save it. A clean, specific, warm set of answers is rarer than it should be, and on this site it is what makes a bio stand out.