What Do You Say After Hi on a Dating App?

Say something about her. After a hi, the next message should point at one specific thing on her page and ask a small question she can answer in a sentence. That works whether she said hi first or she answered yours. Skip "how are you" and skip a second hi, because both ask her to carry the conversation.

Two people exchanging hi have not said anything yet. Neither has given the other a reason to reply, and the chat sits in a pause where the first person to say something real wins.

That should be you. A woman who answered a hi has told you she is willing to talk, but she has not told you she is invested. Your next message is the first time she learns anything about you, so it has to be easy to answer and a little bit fun.

Treat her hi as interest. She chose to write to you instead of waiting, so a warm, specific reply meets her effort.

Do not send a bare hi back, and do not write a paragraph about yourself. Answer her greeting, add one thing you noticed on her page, and leave a question. A simple example is: "Hi, Dana. Your photo at the lake looks like a trip somebody planned too carefully. Was the weather on your side?" She can answer that in one line, and the line tells her you read her page.

She has now spent a message on you, which is a small yes. This is the moment where most men type "how are you" and watch the chat die.

A better move is to follow your hi with the thing you would have said if you had opened with a real line. Pick something from her photos or prompts that you are curious about, and tease it a little. "Good, I was about to ask whether the dog in your second photo is yours or whether you borrowed him for the picture." You get to be playful, she gets something specific to answer, and the chat starts with a joke between you.

The common shape of a good second message is short, personal and light. Three ways to build one:

• Pick a detail and ask about it. A place she is standing in, something she is holding, or a thing she wrote in a prompt.
• Make a small, friendly guess. "You look like someone who has strong opinions about brunch" is easy to confirm or correct.
• Offer a choice. "Mountains or beach trip, and be honest" is quick to answer and shows her your style.

a dating coach's advice for first texts applies here as well. Shorter is better, commenting on a prompt feels more genuine than commenting on a photo, and a little teasing beats a long compliment.

A few messages sound polite and do nothing.

• "How are you?" She will say "good, you?" and then both of you are stuck.
• "What's up?" or "What are you up to?" Her honest answer is usually boring, and it makes her do the work.
• A compliment on her looks. She has read it many times, and it tells her nothing about you.
• A second hi, or "hello?" because she has not answered fast enough. It reads as needy.
• An apology, such as "sorry if this is random." You are making your message sound like a nuisance before she reads it.

Once she answers your specific question, keep going for a few exchanges, not a few weeks. The chat exists to get you both to a coffee or a drink.

Bring up an idea before the final message, so the invitation does not come from nowhere. If she mentioned a bar or a neighborhood, say that you know a place nearby. Once she is warm, suggest a day, then ask for her number to sort out the details.

Some women will say hi and then disappear. Do not chase. Wait a day or two, send one light line about something new on her page, and leave it there. A single, relaxed try costs you nothing, and a third message costs you a little self-respect.

If this happens with most of your chats, the issue is probably further up. Look at the photos and prompts she saw before she answered you, and look at how many matches you are talking to at once. A coach who reads your page and your conversations can tell you quickly whether the weak spot is your opener, your photos, or both.