Should You Start Dating Apps Right After a Breakup?

You can, as long as you want to meet someone new and aren't using the apps to prove your ex wrong or fill the hole she left. Downloading an app doesn't commit you to meeting anyone. If you're raw, set up your photos now and wait to go on dates.

Experts don't agree on a number, and they say so. Clinical psychologist Josh Klapow says timing varies, and some people are ready within a week if the breakup felt like a relief. Relationship expert Alexis Nicole White gives a rough guideline of two to three months of healing for every year you were together. Counselor Jonathan Bennett says a good sign is that you can be alone and enjoy it.

So the better question is how you're doing, not how many weeks it's been.

Elite Daily's advice, quoting matchmaker Nora DeKeyser, is that you're likely ready if you feel self-sufficient, happy, emotionally aware, and curious about what's ahead. A few more checks from other experts:

• Old memories are just old memories and stop wrecking your day.
• You're not comparing every woman you see to her. Relationship coach Anita Chlipala says to take time off until you can appreciate each date for what he or she has to offer.
• You actually want to date. Dating coach Brooke Bergman says the biggest sign is your desire to date again.

DeKeyser's line is blunt: "If you feel yourself needing a partner to fill that void you miss, then you are not ready."

Marriage and family therapist Carolyn Cole says to trust an inner pull toward dating, but not one driven by loneliness or fear of running out of time. If your reason is to prove that somebody still wants you, or to measure every new woman against the one who left, the first few weeks are the wrong time. The article on how long to wait after a breakup goes through the test to run on yourself.

The second honest reason to delay is a stretch where you can't reply. Matches go stale, and a woman who writes on Monday and hears back on Friday has usually moved on. If the next three weeks are chaos, wait until they aren't.

Elite Daily makes a point worth using: downloading an app doesn't mean committing, and swiping can be a low-pressure confidence boost. You don't have to meet anyone until you're ready.

One columnist adds a check: would a single rejection send you into a crisis? If so, waiting a while may help.

So if you're not sure, do the prep and skip the dates:

• Get a few recent photos where she can see your face. An afternoon with a friend and a phone in daylight does it.
• Set up one or two apps, not five.
• Write a few plain lines with one concrete detail she could ask about.
• Journal or list what you want next and what you learned from the last relationship, as one columnist suggests.

Then set a start date. Waiting is fine. Pick the date so it doesn't stay open-ended.

Be honest with her about the breakup and where you are in it, as one columnist advises. A line like this works: "I got out of a long relationship a few months ago, so I'm taking things slowly." It's true, it's calm, and it saves both of you a surprise.

Don't overshare, and don't push the pace out of fear of losing someone. A fresh breakup makes a new woman feel like a lifeline, and that's the moment to slow down.

Give yourself a rule: no meeting anyone until you've replied to matches for a week without comparing them to your ex. If you notice you're using each match to check whether you're still wanted, take a few days off.

Set up one or two apps. Use recent, clear photos with a different job in each.

Spend the first week on steady use. Like women you'd honestly like to meet, a little each day, and answer every match within a day. Keep a simple tally of likes, matches, replies and plans.

At the end of two weeks, you'll know which part needs work, and you'll have started building the habit that makes the apps pay off.

Plenty of men use the breakup as a reason to delay for a different reason: they plan to improve something first, like losing weight or earning more. a dating coach's view is that online dating is a process of constant improvement. You start, you see the numbers, you adjust your photos and your lines, and each fix makes the next round easier. A man who waits for the perfect page never starts the loop.

a dating coach says that after thirty you simply pass fewer eligible women in daily life than you did in school, and a page on an app helps make up for that. He calls it a supplement that works in the background.

a dating coach treats the apps as one part of a dating life, not all of it. Add places where you meet women in person: classes, clubs, events and a coffee shop you visit regularly.

The app works quietly while you do those. A man who has both is never waiting on one chat, and he is not leaning on the apps to feel good about himself. If you would like help getting the first two weeks right, a coach can look at your photos and your first lines before you begin.