Should I Make an Online Dating Profile?

For most single men, yes. It costs almost nothing, the women on the apps are actively looking to meet someone, and nobody turns you down to your face to tell you whether anyone is interested. The catch is that a rushed profile does more harm than none, so make one only if you will build it properly.

a dating coach has dated online for two decades, and his case is plain. Once a profile works, it runs on its own. A match arrives, you reply, and you end up with a date.

Three things stand out.

• The women are looking. A woman on a dating app has taken a step to stop being single. When you match, it is understood that you each like the other, and the sensible next step is a date.
• No rejection to fear. A man who is nervous about approaching women in person can still get dates online without ever being turned down to his face.
• Fit comes early. You can read what she does, what she likes and where she lives before you say a word, so you spend less time on women who were never a match.

Money is not the main cost. The free versions of the major apps let you build a page and send messages.

The real cost is your attention and the early days of an account. Hinge says a new account needs time while its algorithm learns, and the same logic applies to most apps. A thin page in those first days wastes your best exposure. That is the reason to prepare before you sign up.

Some men are better off waiting a few weeks.

• You have no recent, clear photo of your face. Fix that first, because everything else depends on it.
• You are in the middle of a fresh breakup and mostly want someone to talk to. Give yourself time first.
• You will not reply to anyone. An account you ignore wastes the women who write to you.
• You are not prepared to meet anyone in person this month.

If none of those fits, you are ready.

Keep the work small and concrete.

1. Photos first. A clear lead photo of your face in daylight, a full-length shot, and one or two that show something you do. Different outfits and places.
2. A few specific lines. Write answers that sound like a person: something you did, an opinion with a small edge, a detail only you would have. Avoid the generic lines every man writes.
3. One app. Pick the one most women near you use, set a sensible distance and age range, and stay on it for a fortnight.
4. Reply the same day. Answer anyone who writes, and write first to women you would genuinely ask out.

Give it two weeks and count. How many women you liked. How many liked you back. How many answered your first message. How many became a plan.

The weak step tells you where to work. Few matches points to your photos. Matches with no replies point to your first message. Replies that fade out point to waiting too long to suggest a drink.

My own answer to online or in person is both, because neither blocks the other. A profile is the easy part of the work, and it is worth having even if you also meet women at a bar, at the gym or through friends.

If you hesitate, the practical question is small: do you want to meet someone, and can you give this a few hours a week for a fortnight? If yes, make it.