Is Speed Dating in Brooklyn Worth It for Men?

Speed dating in Brooklyn is worth trying a couple of times, mostly as a relaxed way to practice talking to women who expect to be spoken to. The events tend to draw a local crowd, and that is their real advantage: a match often lives a few subway stops away, so a drink is easy to arrange. As a main plan it is still thin. Most men meet more women in person by walking into the parks, bars and coffee shops of Williamsburg, Greenpoint or Park Slope.

Speed dating, as Wikipedia puts it, is a formal matchmaking process meant to help single people meet a lot of potential partners in a short time. Pairs who are interested can keep meeting afterward. In Brooklyn the setting is usually a bar's back room, a brewery taproom or a small event space in Williamsburg, Bushwick or Downtown Brooklyn.

The format is the same as anywhere. A host keeps time, each round runs a few minutes, and you fill in a card at the end. Contact details go out wherever two people both said yes.

The feel is often looser than in Manhattan. Fewer people come straight from the office in a suit, and more come from the neighborhood in whatever they wore that day. For a lot of men, that makes the first round less stiff.

Most speed dating matches die in the gap between the event and the first drink. Brooklyn closes some of that gap, because the women at a Brooklyn event often live in Brooklyn.

Distance matters in this city more than men expect. a dating coach, who has lived in New York, says it is easy to get a woman to come into Manhattan and hard to get her to cross a bridge out of it. A match who lives in Greenpoint and works in Brooklyn does not have that problem with you. If you live nearby too, you can suggest a bar ten minutes from both of you, and she can say yes without planning a trip.

So if you are going to try speed dating anywhere in the city, an event close to your own neighborhood is the one most likely to produce an actual date.

The local crowd does not fix the format.

• The rounds are short. A man who needs a few minutes to warm up never gets there.
• The room is chosen for you. You meet whoever bought a ticket, which may be twenty people.
• The questions repeat. Where do you live, what do you do, how long have you been in Brooklyn. By the fifth round she has answered them five times.
• A mutual yes is soft. It often means "you were nice," not "I want to see you."

Speed dating events in Brooklyn are a fine evening out. They are not a reliable way to meet the kind of woman you would pick yourself.

If you go, a little care helps.

• Pick an event in or near your own neighborhood, for the reason above.
• Look for an age range that matches the women you want to meet.
• Favor a quiet taproom or a back room over a busy bar. If you have to shout, the round is over before it starts.
• Have two or three short things to say about yourself. A small story or an opinion lands better than a fourth "So what do you do?"
• Message your matches the next day with a place and a time, while you are still a face she remembers.

Brooklyn is full of places where a man can say hello without a ticket. Prospect Park and McCarren Park fill up on warm afternoons with people who are relaxed and not rushing anywhere. Domino Park and the Williamsburg waterfront draw a crowd that came out to be around other people. Bedford Avenue and the side streets of Greenpoint are lined with coffee shops and bookstores where a short conversation is normal.

coach makes a point about New York that holds here too. Many people moved to the city recently and are still building a social life, so they are more open to a stranger than you would guess. And because the city is so big, a hello that goes badly costs you almost nothing. In his words, "it will soon be forgotten."

Compare that with an event. In three hours on a Saturday, a man walking through Williamsburg can have more conversations than a speed dating night gives him, every one with a woman he chose.

Finding women in Brooklyn is easy. Walking over is the hard part. Cold Approach trains that in the field with its Bootcamp in New York and Miami. Each training day is two four-hour blocks with a coach, mixing daygame and night game to suit you, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after each one.

Group is three consecutive days with no more than three students per coach. Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days. There is no skill floor, and approach anxiety is a specialty, so a man whose only practice so far has been a speed dating room is welcome. You leave with a written practice plan for the parks and bars near your own apartment.