Is OkCupid Good for Men?

OkCupid is good for men who are willing to read, write and answer questions honestly. It is not good for a man who wants the fast, photo-only feel of Tinder and plans to tap through a hundred cards before dinner. The app rewards effort more than most, and it punishes a lazy page more than most.

The app matches people on their stated preferences and on their answers to a long list of match questions. Each woman shows a Match percentage, and a mutual like opens a chat for free.

That design is why the verdict depends on you. A swipe app lets a good photo carry a thin page. OkCupid asks the woman to read what you wrote and compare her answers with yours. If you put in the work, you get an audience that is paying attention. If you do not, you are invisible.

It suits a man who writes well enough to say something specific about his life in three or four sentences. It suits a man who is looking for a relationship or at least a real conversation, since the questions filter toward women who want to talk about what they want.

It also suits a man who is a little unusual. On a photo-first app, an odd hobby or a strong opinion is a risk. On OkCupid it is a reason for the right woman to like you, because a shared answer shows up in the percentage.

a dating coach describes OkCupid as one of the more hackable sites he used, meaning there was a lot you could tune to get results with little effort. He also says a longer-form app is one where your page matters more than it does on Tinder. Both points fit the same advice: a man who puts effort into the setup tends to get more out of it.

A man who will not answer the questions should skip it. The percentage is the app's whole idea, and a page with few answers gives the system little to work with.

A man whose strength is a great lead photo and who dislikes writing will do better on a photo-first app, and can add OkCupid later.

A man in a small town should check first. The weak point of any app is how many women near you are active. My rule is that results depend on whether the women on it are really looking to date, and an app that is lively in a big city can be quiet in the next county.

Judge OkCupid on conversations, not on likes. The app tends to produce fewer matches than Tinder and better ones, so a count of likes will always look worse than the count on a swipe app. The numbers that matter are chats that started, chats that reached a plan, and dates you set.

A fair expectation is slower volume with higher quality. If, after two weeks of honest effort, you have a few real conversations and a date or two, the app is working for you.

Answer the questions honestly. If you answer the way you think women want, the percentage pairs you with women who would suit a man you are not. A few true, strong answers push the wrong women down and the right ones up.

Lead with a clear photo of your face, then photos of what you do. Write a few specific lines about your life, not a list of adjectives. "I cook for friends every Sunday and I'm bad at it" gives a woman something to reply to. "Easygoing, funny, loyal" gives her nothing.

Be selective with your likes. My warning on every app is that liking nearly everyone tends to make an app treat you as less attractive, and liking fewer women, chosen with care, improves results.

A free account sets preferences, answers match questions, likes and chats. The paid tiers add extras, and OkCupid sells optional boosts, but features and limits change, so read the screen on the day you decide.

My rule for any paid feature is that it multiplies what you already have. If the free version gives you chats, a paid extra may give you more. If it gives you none, it multiplies nothing. So test the free version first, and pay only for something you can name a reason for.

Use the app every day for two weeks with your best photos in place and your questions answered. Write down four numbers: women you liked, mutual likes, chats that started, and dates you set.

If the likes come but the chats do not, work on your first line. If the chats are good and the dates are missing, suggest a specific drink and a specific day sooner. If almost nothing comes back, fix your photos and your answers before you try another app.

Two weeks of real effort gives you a better verdict than any review, including this one.