Is eHarmony Good for Men?

eHarmony is good for a man who wants something serious and will answer its quiz honestly. It is a poor fit for a man who wants a large number of matches or casual dates, because it sorts women by compatibility instead of handing you a stack to swipe through. Basic membership is free, so you can find out whether the quiz and the matches suit you before you spend anything.

The quiz is the whole idea. Every new member starts with a Compatibility Quiz. It asks about your personality, your interests and how you talk to people. Matching begins as soon as it is done. So the woman in front of you has also sat through that quiz, which says something about how much she wants to be there.

That is a real advantage over a swipe app. On a swipe app a woman's interest in you is a tap made in a second. Here the pool has already been narrowed, and a Like that she returns is a match between two people who both did some work to get there.

The site presents itself as meant for people who want a meaningful relationship and know it. If that is also what you want, you are standing in the right room, and you waste less time explaining yourself.

It asks more of you before you see anyone. The quiz takes longer than a swipe, and the answers only help if they are true. A man who answers the way he thinks women want gets matched with women who suit a man he is not.

It also moves at a slower pace. You get a list of members who fit your search preferences, not a stack of cards to run through in ten minutes. For a man who wants volume, that feels slow.

And the Compatibility Score is easy to over-read. The scale runs from 60 to 140. The site treats about 100 as a solid average and 110 or higher as strong compatibility. It measures how your answers line up. It cannot tell you how you will feel across a table, and a first meeting exists to find that out. A woman scoring just under 100 whose photos and words you like still deserves a message.

Basic membership is free. A free account covers the quiz, browsing other members, and the first likes and opening messages in both directions.

Premium removes the cap on messaging, shows every photo and tells you who viewed you. A man who cannot see her full set of photos, or who cannot keep a chat going, is meeting the limit Premium exists to remove.

a dating coach treats a paid feature as a multiplier on whatever results you already have. Start on the free version, finish your page and send some first messages. If chats are starting and you reach the free limit, paying makes sense. If nothing begins, the photos and the opening lines need work, and a subscription will not fix them.

It suits a man who wants something serious and does not mind a slower start. It suits a man who is comfortable being asked about himself, because the whole structure is built on answers. It suits a man who is a bit tired of the speed of the swipe apps and would trade quantity for women who have said what they want.

It also suits a man who writes a clear first message. You can open with Icebreakers, where each of you chooses between pairs of photos, or send a Smile. Those only open the door. What happens next is down to you.

Skip it if you want casual dates. eHarmony says its members want serious relationships. A man who hides that he wants something lighter wastes everyone's time, his own included.

Skip it if you want the biggest pool and the fastest results. My advice to test several apps applies, and for a man who wants speed, a swipe app will give him more to work with in a week.

Skip it, for now, if your photos are weak. No quiz compensates for a first photo that puts a woman off.

Give it three real weeks. Take the quiz when you are rested. Choose clear daylight photos. Add two or three specific lines about your week and about a date you would enjoy.

Then write to women whose pages caught your eye, soon after you spot them and with one detail from their page. Count four numbers: how many of your Likes became matches, how many matches replied, how many replies became a plan, and how many plans became a date.

If matches and replies are healthy but plans are rare, you are waiting too long to suggest a drink. coach gets from first message to a woman's number in four to seven messages and mentions meeting up early. On eHarmony, where she has told the site she wants something serious, a clear invitation is welcome, not pushy.

If nothing moves after three weeks with strong photos, drop it and put the time where it earns more. If it produces dates you were glad to go on, keep it.