Is It OK to Approach a Woman in a Hotel Lobby?

Yes, it is OK to approach a woman in a hotel lobby. A lobby is a public room, and plenty of people meet there every day. Keep it short, and pick a woman who is sitting or lingering rather than one rushing to the elevator. Remember two things. The staff watch the room, and she may not want a stranger knowing where she is staying.

A hotel lobby is full of people in transit. Some are checking in with luggage and a long day behind them. Some are waiting for a car to the airport. Some are waiting for a colleague or a date. A few are sitting with a coffee because the lobby is a nice place to sit.

That last group is who you want. A woman curled into an armchair with a drink, not watching the door, has time. A woman checking her phone every 30 seconds and glancing at the entrance is meeting someone. A woman wheeling a suitcase toward the elevator wants her room.

Hotels also draw women traveling alone for work, which can make a lobby friendlier than you would expect. She is in a strange city with an evening free, and a pleasant local or fellow traveler can be a welcome change from room service.

If the hotel has a bar off the lobby, do your approaching there. Talking to the person next to you at a bar is normal everywhere. Talking to a stranger in a lobby chair is a little less so.

a dating coach makes a point of choosing hotels with a bar when he travels, because a bar in the building is an easy, low-pressure place to suggest a drink. You can use the same idea from the other side. Invite a woman from the lobby to have one drink at the bar, which is a few steps away and still public.

Come from the front at an easy pace and stop at a normal distance. Open with something about the place or the moment: the giant flower arrangement, the rain outside, the fact that you are both waiting. Or be honest and say you saw her on your way out and wanted to say hello.

Then ask if she is in town for work or for fun. It is the most natural question in a hotel, and her answer tells you whether she has a free evening or a 6am meeting.

Keep the first minute light. If she warms up and turns toward you, sit down and talk. If she glances at her phone and gives short answers, wish her a good stay and keep walking.

Do not ask for her room number, and do not ask which floor she is on. Do not offer to walk her to the elevator. A woman traveling alone is careful about who knows where she sleeps. Even an innocent question like that can end the conversation and leave her feeling unsafe in her own hotel.

Do not hang around, either. Hotel staff notice a man who sits in the lobby without being a guest and talks to one woman after another, and they may ask him to leave. If you are not staying there, buy a drink at the bar. That makes you a customer, and it gives you a real reason to be in the room.

Suggest moving to the bar, or to a place you know nearby if you are local. If she is busy tonight, ask for her number and suggest a drink while she is still in town. Travelers have short windows, so plan something within a day or two rather than leaving it for "sometime".

If she is flying home tomorrow, swap numbers or Instagram anyway. People come back, and a woman who travels for work often returns to the same cities.

Lobbies, lounges and hotel bars all reward the same thing: a calm first line and good judgment about who has time. The Cold Approach Bootcamp trains both in person, in Miami and New York, with night game in bars and lounges and daygame on streets and in cafes. Your coach is with you on every approach and gives you feedback after each one. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days.