Is Dating in NYC Hard for Men?

Not in the way most men expect. On paper, New York leans in a man's favor: census figures show more adult women than men, the neighborhoods are dense, and the subway runs all night. Dating here gets hard for three kinds of men: those who rely on the apps alone, those who live far from where people go out, and those who wait for a woman to make the first move. A man who is comfortable meeting women in person tends to find New York one of the easiest cities in the country.

So the honest answer to "is it hard to date in NYC" is that it depends on how you go about it. Here is what the numbers say, who finds it hard, and whether it is worth the effort.

Census figures cited on Wikipedia count about 86 men for every 100 women among adults in New York City. a dating coach, who has lived there for long stretches, says the same thing from experience: the population skews toward women, and it skews young, because so many people move there to build a career.

Density adds to that. Millions of people live close together, and most of them walk or take the subway. A man in New York passes more women on an ordinary Tuesday than a man in a car-based city sees in a week.

Both groups complain, about different things. Women in New York often say there are plenty of men and too few who want anything serious. Men often say the apps are crowded and the women are busy.

Both complaints are fair, and neither is about supply. For men, the numbers are on your side. What gets in the way is time, distance, and the habit of waiting for something to happen.

On the apps alone. A lot of men in New York put real effort into their apps, so the average man gets less for the same work. The apps also eat hours. coach still recommends using them, but as a bonus, not the plan.

With a long commute. My experience is that it is easy to get a woman to come into Manhattan and very hard to get her out to Queens, the Bronx or Long Island. A man who lives far out often ends up traveling to her for every date.

For the man who hesitates. The city moves fast. A woman you notice on the sidewalk is gone in ten seconds. Men who wait for the perfect moment rarely get one.

New York has five boroughs, and which one you live in changes who you meet every day. Manhattan below about 60th Street is the easiest base. Brooklyn as far as Williamsburg is close behind. Farther out, dating still works, but you do better meeting women who live near you and keeping first dates local.

If you are choosing where to live and dating matters to you, My advice is to pay for location over space. A small apartment near good bars and a park beats a bigger one an hour out.

• Meet women by day in parks and cafes, where they have time to talk.
• Go to ordinary bars on weeknights, when rooms are quieter and women who are out wanted to be out.
• Keep first dates short and close to one of you, with a second stop nearby.
• Use the apps for a short session a day, not as your whole social life.
• Count conversations started, not numbers collected, so practice is the goal.

For most men, yes. coach calls it his number one city for meeting women and, above all, his number one city for learning how. The reason is that a bad approach costs almost nothing. In his words, if it does not go well, "it will soon be forgotten you'll probably never see her again."

If you want a serious relationship, New York works for that too. coach is clear that people get married and have families there. The city has a strong casual side, so screen for someone whose life fits yours.

The one thing the numbers cannot do is walk over for you. Cold Approach teaches that in its Bootcamp, which runs in person in Miami and New York only. In New York it is arranged with you after you book: Private runs one, two or three days with your coach alone, and Group, with no more than three students per coach, is available on request. Each training day is two four-hour blocks in the field, with daygame and night game mixed to suit you. There is no skill floor, and you leave with a written practice plan.