How to Meet Singles in NYC

Pick two or three neighborhoods, build a weekly routine of places where people linger, and learn to say hello while the city is moving. New York has more single people in a few blocks than most towns have in total. The challenge is not supply. It is that everyone is busy, headphones are in, and a stranger needs a good reason to stop. A short, friendly hello at the right moment gives them one.

The city moves quickly. People walk with a purpose, ride the train with their eyes down and treat strangers as part of the background. That makes a lot of men feel that approaching is impossible.

The same crowding works in your favor. You will meet a hundred people in an hour of walking, so a no costs you almost nothing, and the next person is one block away. You can have more practice in a week here than a man in a small town gets in a year.

Trying to cover five boroughs leaves you tired and unknown. Choose a couple of areas close to where you live or work, and learn their rhythms. Go to the same coffee shop, the same bar and the same park. Regular faces get friendlier.

Spread your week across them: a daytime spot, an evening spot and an event or class. After a month, you will recognize people, and they will recognize you.

Daytime approaches in New York have to be quick, since people are going somewhere. The best moments are when someone has stopped.

• Coffee shops and bakeries. Lines and seats make people pause.
• Parks. Weekends in good weather bring crowds who are relaxed and open.
• Bookstores, galleries and markets. Shared interests give you an opener.
• Corners and crosswalks. A short, polite hello while waiting for a light can work, but keep it brief and read her body language.

If a woman is rushing, with headphones in, let her go. A woman who is browsing, waiting or sitting is a better choice.

Nights are a big part of New York social life. People are out to meet others, groups are loose, and a hello from a relaxed man is often welcome. Choose bars with room to stand and a volume you can talk over. Start early, before the room fills and tires. Say hello to the bartender, then to someone nearby, and keep your opening line short.

Cold Approach already publishes guides to specific bars, lounges and rooftops in the city and a separate piece on how women there respond to being approached. This article stays on the bigger question: how to build a routine so you meet people week after week.

New York runs on groups. Run clubs, sports leagues, art classes, language exchanges and volunteer days all bring together people who share something. Join one that interests you, show up for several weeks and let familiarity do the work. Staying a regular makes a conversation easy to start and easy to continue.

Keep it short and about where you are:

• "I am new to this neighborhood. What is the one place I should try?"
• "That looks good. What did you order?"
• "Hi, I'm Sam. Have you been here before?"

Give your name, ask hers and listen. If she turns toward you and talks, continue. If she answers in one word or checks her phone, say "Nice to meet you" and move on.

A simple routine works better than a big plan:

1. Visit your two or three spots each week.
2. Say hello to three new people.
3. Start one full conversation.
4. Ask for a number or Instagram when it has gone well.

If it goes badly, you are one block from another try.

If you want faster results with a coach beside you, the Cold Approach Bootcamp runs in New York, and in Miami. It is in person and fully in the field, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days. A total beginner is welcome, and approach anxiety is the specialty.