How to Talk to a Woman Who Gives Short Answers

Short answers usually mean one of three things. She is busy, she is not sure about you yet, or you have been asking questions that only need one word to answer. Stop asking questions, say something she can react to, and watch what she does with it. If she is still giving you a word at a time after two honest tries, thank her and leave.

A short answer is information, not an insult. Before you decide what to do, work out which of the three situations you are in.

If she is carrying bags, checking the time, or looking past you, she is busy. The answer is not about you at all. If she smiles, looks at you, and answers briefly but warmly, she is unsure, and she is waiting to see what kind of man you are. If her answers get shorter every time you ask something, you are probably interviewing her.

Most men treat all three as the same problem and push harder. That fixes none of them.

"Do you live around here?" gets a yes or a no. "How was your day?" gets "fine." Neither gives her anything to work with.

Each question also puts her in the position of a person being checked. After three of them in a row she is answering an application, and she answers the way people answer applications: briefly.

Cut the questions in half. Swap some of them for a plain statement about what is in front of you, like "This place always smells like cinnamon, I can never decide if I love it or if it is a trap." That gives her something to agree with, disagree with, or laugh at.

A conversation behaves like a small fire. You have to feed it early, and at the start that job is yours. a dating coach makes the same point about openers: the line gets her attention, but a man who throws out one clever sentence and then waits has not started anything. She did not walk up to you, so she is not ready to carry it, and she may simply be nervous.

Carrying the first minute means you offer an observation, a small opinion, or a short story about something that happened to you today. Then you leave a gap. If she picks it up and adds something, the conversation is alive. If she gives you one word again, try once more with a different kind of statement before you decide anything.

A useful test: after you speak, does she have an easy way to respond with more than yes or no? If not, rewrite what you said.

If she is quiet and you arrive at full volume, she shrinks. A slower pace, a calmer voice, and a smile that does not need anything back tell her you are easy to be around.

Start where she is. Then raise the energy slightly, a half step at a time, and see whether she follows. A woman who is warming up will start to mirror you, with a longer answer, a laugh, a question of her own. A woman who is not interested stays exactly where she was.

Some short answers are just a no in polite form. Watch for the signs together, not one at a time.

• She has not asked you a single question about yourself.
• Her eyes keep drifting to a phone, a door, or a friend.
• Her body is turned partly away from you.
• Her answers get shorter after you give her more to work with, not longer.

Two of those, after you have given a real attempt, are your answer. Say "Nice to meet you" and go, without a speech. The way you leave is the part she remembers, and it makes the next woman you talk to more likely to enjoy it.

This skill is hard to learn by reading, because the feedback comes in real time. You say something, her face changes, and you have about two seconds to adjust.

That is the reason a Cold Approach Bootcamp is run in the field, in Miami and New York, with a coach beside you for every approach and feedback after every set. The Group Bootcamp runs three consecutive days with no more than three students per coach, and the Private Bootcamp is one, two or three days fully one-on-one. A coach who hears your short-answer conversations as they happen can tell you exactly which sentence closed her down and what to say instead.

When she gives you a short answer, do this in order.

1. Check whether she is busy. If yes, say a quick hello and let her go.
2. Drop the question and make a statement she can react to.
3. Slow down and match her energy before you lift it.
4. Try once more with a different kind of line.
5. If she is still short, leave kindly.

The goal is not to make every woman talk. It is to find the ones who will, quickly and without pushing, and to leave the others with a good impression of you.