How to Make Friends at a Bar When You Go Alone

Start small. Say hello to the bartender, then to the person next to you, and keep each conversation short and easy. Going to a bar alone takes away the group you would normally hide behind, so the skill is not performing. It is making one small, friendly contact at a time. Do that a few times and you will leave with a couple of real conversations.

A bar is one of the few places where strangers expect to talk. That is why a man on his own can start conversations there more easily than on a street.

With friends, you are a group. Groups talk to each other and stay closed. A man on his own is easy to approach and easy to include. People are more likely to say hello to one person than to a table of four.

It also forces you to practice, which is the whole point. There is no one to fall back on, so every hello counts.

Sit at the bar, not at a table in the corner. The bar is where people stand and wait, where the bartender is, and where short conversations happen naturally.

Choose a seat next to an open space or near the end where people come to order. Avoid a seat blocked by a wall or a crowd of people already deep in conversation.

Arrive early if you can. A quiet bar at the start of the evening makes the first hello much easier than a packed one at eleven.

The bartender is the easiest hello in the room. It is their job to talk, and a friendly exchange warms you up.

Ask something real: "What is good here tonight?" or "What do you pour most on a night like this?" Listen to the answer and say thanks. You will relax within a minute, and a bartender who likes you will often introduce you to regulars.

Do not treat the bartender like a prop for your performance. Keep it simple, tip well, and be kind.

When you are settled, turn slightly and say something about the moment:

• "Have you tried the house drink? I cannot decide."
• "Is the kitchen open late here?"
• "That game is wild. Do you follow either team?"

Say it with a smile, then listen. If the person answers warmly, ask a follow up. If they give a short reply and turn back to their phone, nod and leave it. Nothing happened and nobody noticed.

Talk to men and women both. A man who chats with everyone looks easy to be around, and women notice how you treat other people.

Some groups invite a new face and some do not. An open group has people facing outward, laughing loudly, and glancing around. A closed group stands in a tight circle, turned inward.

For an open group, say "Mind if I join you? I am on my own tonight." Include everyone in your first sentence. Stay a few minutes, then drift away or settle in, depending on how it goes.

A phone in your hand tells everyone you are busy and would rather be elsewhere. Keep it away, and look up. Look at the room, at the bartender, at the game on the screen. Nothing signals openness like a head that is up.

Do not tell yourself you will meet a hundred people. Aim for three real hellos before you leave. That target is small enough that your nerves cannot argue with it, and it is easy to measure.

If you manage more, good. If you manage one, you have done something most men never do.

Leave on a high note. After a good conversation, say "It was great meeting you, I am going to head out" and go. You will remember it fondly, and so will they. Staying until the end of the night usually leads to fading energy and worse conversations.

Reading about this does not remove the nervous moment before the first hello. That moment shrinks with repeated practice, especially when someone is beside you telling you what to change.

Cold Approach runs an in person Bootcamp that is fully in the field, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. It runs in Miami and New York only. Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is one on one for one, two or three days. A total beginner is welcome and approach anxiety is the specialty.