Is It Creepy to Go to a Bar Alone Hoping to Meet Women?

No. Going to a bar alone is normal, and people do it for the food, a game, or just a drink. What makes a man look creepy isn't being alone. It's staring at women, hovering near one table, or staying after she's made it clear she's not interested.

In a Straight Dope discussion on going to a bar alone, regulars say they go by themselves and don't feel awkward. Several describe a neighborhood bar where the bartender and other regulars make it easy. One poster notes that solo men are common in business-district bars, while solo women are rarer, partly, he assumes, because owners and bartenders at neighborhood bars keep guys from approaching the women.

A Blind discussion on the same question is split, and that's worth knowing:

• Many commenters say it's fine and common, including on business trips.
• One says "Girls can see it from a mile away" when a man is only there to hook up. Another commenter says to go to meet people in general, not only women.
• One says a lone man at a bar trying to meet women may come across as a "serial killer."
• One says you're more likely to regret not going out than going alone.

So the setting isn't the issue. The reaction depends on what she can see you doing.

Looks fine:

• Sitting at the bar, chatting with the bartender, and looking around the room like you're enjoying yourself.
• Moving around: bar, patio, back to the bar.
• Talking to whoever's next to you, men and women.
• Taking a short answer as a no and moving on.

Looks off:

• Watching one woman from across the room.
• Standing near the exit with your phone out for 40 minutes.
• Walking up to every woman in the room with the same line.
• Staying in her space after she turns away.

A good bar for going alone has open seating, music you can talk over, and people who came to socialize. Trivia nights, live music, art openings, and rooftop bars all work. Skip nightclubs, where everyone is locked into their own group, and bars so loud you'd have to yell.

Go early in the night. The room is still open and people are still settling in. By 11:45 everyone is already in a group.

If a bar feels intimidating, one Blind commenter suggests starting at a hotel bar. Another suggests coming back over several days or weeks so you start to have friends there.

Don't treat it like a pickup. Give her a reason to talk that has nothing to do with her looks, and make it easy to answer:

• "Have you tried anything good here?"
• "Do you know if this place always gets this crowded on Tuesdays?"
• "That drink looks great. What is it?"
• "I'm deciding whether to stay for one more or call it. What's your verdict on the place?"

At a trivia night, if you overhear a table arguing about a movie, you can say, "I'm not saying I'd have gotten it right, but I'm definitely judging the confidence." At a live show, try "I came knowing two songs and now I'm pretending to be a fan. How's my cover?"

Also talk to people who aren't the most attractive woman in the room. One Blind commenter says exactly that: don't limit your conversations to the most attractive people. You'll relax, and you'll look like someone who's there to enjoy himself.

She's interested if she asks you questions back, keeps facing you, laughs, and doesn't hurry to end it. She isn't if she gives short answers, keeps scanning the room, turns her body away, or keeps checking her phone.

If it's flat, say "Nice talking to you, enjoy your night," and go. If it's going well, ask whether she's there with friends, suggest another drink, or say "I'm enjoying talking to you. Let's keep going for a bit."

Be honest with yourself about how it looks. One Blind commenter warns that visible anxiety makes you less appealing. Another says to expect to feel uncomfortable at first and that it gets easier with practice.

You can also change the goal. Don't make the night about getting a number. Make it about three conversations: reading her answers, keeping your cool, and leaving gracefully when it doesn't land. Even a night where one woman is polite, one chats and goes back to her friends, and one invites you to join her group is a good night. You'll go out again next week.

If you still don't want to go alone, a Blind commenter says women assume a man with a female friend with him isn't a jerk. Bringing a friend is a perfectly good way to start.