How to Get a Woman's Number on a Train

Treat her stop as your deadline. Start with something about the trip, keep the conversation light, and ask for her number a stop or two before one of you gets off, not as the doors are closing. On a long-distance train you have time for a real conversation. On a subway or a short commuter ride you have a few minutes, so you need to approach a woman directly and get to the ask sooner. At the station itself, the platform and the waiting area are easier than the train.

Most conversations with a stranger end when one of you decides to leave. On a train, the timetable decides. That is good and bad. It gives you a natural reason to keep things moving, and it means you cannot wait for the perfect moment.

a dating coach makes the point that some of the subtler ways of building attraction need half an hour or more to work. They are not much use in a two-minute conversation with someone you met on a train. On a short ride, be plain about your interest. Say hello, have a quick and friendly exchange, tell her you wanted to meet her, and ask.

Each kind of ride gives you a different amount of time.

A long-distance train can give you an hour or more. If you are sitting near each other, or both standing in the cafe car, there is time for a real conversation. Do not rush the number. Get to know her first, and ask well before her station.

A commuter train usually gives you somewhere between ten and forty minutes. People read, sleep or work. Pick a woman who is looking around or out of the window, not one who is working through a laptop.

A subway gives you minutes, and the car is a closed box she cannot easily leave. Keep it light, keep it short, and do not try at all in a rush-hour crush.

People spend a lot of time standing still at train stations, which makes the station easier than the train. Look for women waiting on the platform, standing under the departures board, or sitting in a waiting area or station cafe.

A delay is the best opener there is. Everyone is annoyed by the same thing, and complaining about it together is easy. "Is it ever on time?" is enough to start.

If she is boarding a different train from you, you only have as long as the wait. Move to the number sooner.

Keep the first sentence about something you share.

• "Do you know if this one stops at the airport, or am I about to have a very long day?"
• "Is it always this packed at this hour?"
• "That book looks better than my phone. Is it any good?"

Then follow her answer. Ask where she is headed, whether she rides this line every day, and what is waiting for her at the other end. Share a little about yourself too. A conversation where only one person asks the questions starts to feel like a form.

Find out early where she gets off. It tells you how much time you have and saves you from a scramble as the train slows down.

When it is going well, use a dating coach's two-step: agree to see each other again first, then take the number. "This was the best part of my commute. We should get a drink sometime." When she says yes, "Then I'll take your number," and hand her your phone. Text her straight away so she has yours.

If her stop comes sooner than you expected, keep it simple. "I'd like to see you again. What's your number?" Do not follow her off the train if it is not your stop.

Some moments on a train are not right for an approach.

• The car is so crowded she cannot move away from you.
• She is asleep, or has her eyes closed and earbuds in.
• She is on a call, working, or clearly coming home from a long shift.
• She is with a partner or her family.

If she gives short answers, smile and go back to your book. The ride will end in a few minutes either way, and nobody in the car will remember it.

On a short train ride there is no time to warm up, so the hesitation before you speak is the whole problem. A Cold Approach Bootcamp works on exactly that, in person and in the field in Miami and New York. Each training day is two four-hour blocks of daygame and night game, mixed to suit you, with a coach watching every approach and feedback after every set.

Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach, and Private is 1-on-1 for one, two or three days. Approach anxiety is the specialty, and every student leaves with a written practice plan.