How to Find a Girlfriend When You Work All the Time

Stop waiting for a free month, because it will not come. Build meeting women into the week you already have: the walk to work, the coffee shop before the office, the gym, the drink after work. Learn to start a conversation in the few minutes those moments give you, keep one evening a week for dates, and be picky. The woman you want is one who likes a busy, driven man, and she will not resent the hours.

Look at an ordinary weekday. Most men who say they have no time are counting only their free evenings. They leave out the commute, the coffee line, the lunch break, the gym and the grocery store.

a dating coach has a list of small habits for exactly this. Walk or take the train when you can, "instead of sitting in your car by yourself talking to no one." Get to places ten or fifteen minutes early with a book. Buy things in person rather than online when it costs you little extra. If you work from home, take your laptop to a cafe one day a week. None of these adds an hour to your week. Each one puts you near women who are not in a hurry.

A full schedule changes the skill you need. You cannot spend an hour warming up at a bar. You need to be able to walk up to a woman in a cafe, say something about what is in front of you, and find out within a minute or two whether she is enjoying the conversation.

If she is, aim for a number and a plan, because you will not run into her again by chance. "I have to get to a meeting, but I'd like to keep talking. Can I get your number?" Then text her within a day with a specific evening.

Men who can do this meet women on the way to work. Men who cannot wait for the weekend, then stay home because they are tired.

Dates need a fixed place in the calendar, or work takes them. One protected evening a week, plus a weekend afternoon when you can manage it, keeps things moving. a dating coach's ideal is going out about three times a week, so the gaps stay short and the whole thing "feels a lot more like a part of your life." A busy man may not reach three. Short gaps still matter more than long nights out.

Pick one bar near your home or office for first dates and use it every time. You will know the room, it is easy for her to reach, and you will not spend your one free evening planning.

Your colleagues, your gym friends and your old school friends all know women. A full schedule makes it tempting to skip every invitation. a dating coach's rule is to say yes almost every time, even if you only stay for one drink. Show up, say hello to everyone, and leave early if it is dull.

One drink a week puts you in a room with new people, including the friends your friends bring along. Being introduced by someone she knows also saves you the work of earning her trust from zero.

Men who work long hours often grab the first woman who seems keen, because dating feels like one more job to finish. That is how they end up with someone who does not fit. a dating coach's observation is that men who end up with great partners usually got there because "they were having an incredible dating life and then some girl came along that was even better." Meet enough women that you can afford to be choosy.

For a busy man, the most useful sign is how she handles your schedule. A woman with her own work, friends and plans does not need you every night, and she respects that you have somewhere to be. Tell her early that your job is demanding. Then notice what happens the first time you have to move a plan. Some women shrug and pick another day. Some sulk. Her reaction tells you more than the first date did.

Ambition is attractive when you talk about it with interest. "I'm building something and I love it" lands very differently from "work is killing me." Keep the details short on a first date, and ask about her life as much as you talk about yours.

Use your schedule well, too. A lunch date near your office or a drink straight after work costs you little time, and plenty of women prefer an early first date to a late one.

Long hours are the best argument for learning fast. A man who goes out alone once a month repeats the same habits for a year. A Cold Approach Bootcamp puts the practice into a few concentrated days in Miami or New York. Each day is two four-hour coaching blocks in the field, with live coaching on every approach and feedback after every set. Private can be one, two or three days, and Group is three consecutive days at three students per coach. You leave with a written practice plan that says what is working and where to focus the next time you go out.