How Many Times Should You Ask a Woman Out?

Ask once, clearly. Ask a second time only when her first answer was a real scheduling reason and she left the door open, and then offer one new, specific plan. After a flat no, or after two vague answers in a row, stop asking and go back to talking to her normally. Ask in person if you can. The number that matters is not how many times you have asked. It is what she said each time.

A girl who wants to see you will usually find a way, and she will say so. A girl who does not want to see you will often be polite and slippery about it. The skill is telling those apart, so here is how each kind of answer plays out.

She says yes. Lock the details while she is warm: day, time, place. Then see "If she says yes and goes quiet" below.

She says a flat no. "I'm not interested" or "I just see you as a friend" ends it. Say "No worries, glad I asked" and behave normally. Asking again does not change her mind, it only moves her from not interested to uncomfortable.

She says no, with a reason and an offer. "I can't Saturday, how about next week?" is a yes in disguise. She is telling you she wants to meet and showing you how. Take the offer and name the day.

She says no, with a reason and no offer. "I'm swamped this week" might be true or might be polite. This is the one case where a second ask is fair, once, with a different plan: "No problem. How about a quick coffee the week after next?" If she gives you another reason and no counter, you have your answer.

She says something warm and vague. "Maybe," "we'll see" and "that sounds fun!" with no day attached are a no for now. Some women reply to everything but never meet, and there are several reasons. She may want you in her circle. She may be keeping you as a spare option. She may be too nice to refuse, or simply busy or unsure. You cannot tell which from outside, and asking a fourth time will not tell you either.

A first ask is an invitation. A second, with a new plan, is a fair follow-up that gives her another chance to say yes. A third is pressure. It asks her to keep refusing you, and a woman who is made to refuse repeatedly will start avoiding you instead.

It also does something to you. Every extra ask tells her your time is less valuable than hers. A man who is busy living his own life asks once, hears the answer, and goes on to the next thing.

Plans made in a text with no call tend to wobble. a dating coach's view is that a quick phone call before the date lowers the chance that she flakes and makes her more excited to see you.

If she says yes and then disappears on the day, send one follow-up text before the time. Keep it easy: "Any word on your end? Hope your day hasn't swallowed you whole." That gives her a graceful way back in.

If she still does not show, do not scold her. a dating coach is blunt that calling out rudeness feels right and gets you nowhere. He suggests treating it as a plan gone wrong rather than a flaw in her, and offering a call: "Looks like texting plans does not work for us. Want to talk on the phone this week and sort it?" If she answers, you are back in the game. If she doesn't, you are done.

Here is a simple rule for yourself:

1. First ask, with a day and a place.
2. If she gave a real reason and left the door open, one second ask with a new day.
3. If she says no, or answers vaguely twice, stop asking.

That is it. The rule keeps you from the two failures men make most often. One is giving up after the first soft answer when she did mean it. The other is asking five times because you cannot stand not knowing.

Stopping does not mean disappearing. Be pleasant when you see her, take her replies as they come, and let her bring up the plan if she wants it. If she is interested she will make the move or ask about it, and you will know. If she isn't, you have kept your dignity and spent your evenings on somebody who wants to see you.

Move your attention to the next woman. The best cure for a girl who never says yes is another girl who does, and getting back out where you meet people is faster than any text you could write.