How Do You Date a Woman From New York?

Date a woman from New York the way the city works: say plainly that you want to see her, suggest a specific place and time near where she lives or works, and do not take a crowded week personally. Most New York women are juggling a job, friends and a city full of options, so the man who is clear and easy to say yes to stands out. It also helps to start by meeting her in person, at a bar, a cafe or in a park, because a woman who has already met you face to face has much less reason to doubt you.

Many women you meet in New York were not born there. A lot of them moved to the city for work, and plenty have been there only a few years. a dating coach, who has lived in the city, says that makes New Yorkers more social than their reputation, because many are still building a circle of friends.

She is also used to having options. coach describes a fairly open attitude toward dating around in the city, and a woman who is out a lot has heard every line and sat through every dull evening. That is not a reason to be intimidated. It means a man who is relaxed, direct and interested in her stands out quickly, because the bar he has to clear is lower than it looks.

New York rewards a clear invitation. "We should hang out sometime" goes nowhere. "There is a wine bar two blocks from you. Thursday at seven?" gets an answer.

Give her a day, a time and a place. Pick somewhere easy to reach from her apartment or office, so saying yes costs her almost nothing. Keep the first plan short, a drink or a coffee, with the option to walk somewhere else if it goes well. In most neighborhoods there is a coffee shop, a bar and a place for ice cream within a couple of blocks, so a spontaneous second stop is easy.

The same goes for meeting her in the first place. If the conversation is good when you meet her in person, you can often suggest a drink right then. New York is one of the easiest cities in the world for that, because everything is walkable.

New York women often have full weeks: long hours, after-work plans, a class, a friend in from out of town. If she cannot do Thursday, offer one other day and leave it there. If she suggests a different time herself, she is interested.

What you should not do is chase. Three messages asking when she is free tells her you have nothing else going on. One clear invitation, one reschedule offer, then let her come back to you.

Geography matters more in New York than most men expect. a dating coach's advice is that it is easy to get women to come into Manhattan and much harder to get them to leave it. A woman in the West Village will happily meet you in SoHo. She is less likely to ride out to the far end of Queens for a first drink.

So if you live outside Manhattan, go to her side, at least at the start. If you live in a good spot, use it: a bar near your apartment, or a building with a rooftop, gives an evening somewhere natural to continue.

The women a dating coach describes in New York's better venues tend to be ambitious, and they respond to a man who is building something of his own. That does not mean spending money to impress her. It means having work you care about, friends, and interests that fill your week whether or not she is in it.

Talk about those things the way you would with a friend. A man who is clearly enjoying his own life in New York is more interesting to her than a man who has organized his whole week around her answer.

New York makes it easy to date several people at once, and many women there do. If you want something lasting, say so after you have spent some time together, in plain words. a dating coach's advice is to choose a partner for how well her life fits yours, not for who looks best on your arm. Notice whether her week and your week could actually fit together, and be honest about what you are looking for.

Most of what makes dating a New York woman work starts before any plan is made: walking over and saying hello. Cold Approach runs its Bootcamp in New York and Miami, with two four-hour blocks in the field each training day, mixing daytime approaches and nightlife to suit you. A coach watches each approach and tells you what to change, and you leave with a written plan for what to practice next.