How Does Opening Up a Match Work on eHarmony?

eHarmony lets you open up a match one at a time. Opening up a match lets you see her page and her photos, and keep messaging her with no deadline on the conversation. You only need to do it after you have already matched, when you want to reply to a Like you received or send a second message. New members get a few free as a one-time benefit with no commitment, and some Premium memberships include a package that refills every month.

Opening up a match does three things for one woman:

• It opens her page to you.
• It shows you her photos.
• It lets you keep messaging her, with no time limit on the conversation.

It works per match. Each one you use opens up one woman, and it has nothing to do with anyone else you are talking to. That is why it is worth thinking about who gets one, which the rest of this article covers.

You do not need one to make first contact. Every new conversation on eHarmony starts with a Like on something she shared plus a short personal message, and that first step does not use one.

You need one after a match, in two situations:

• She sent you a Like and you want to reply to it.
• You have matched and you want to send a second message.

In other words, the first step is open to everyone. Carrying the conversation forward with one particular woman is what takes one of these.

When you join, eHarmony gives you a few for free. It is a one-time benefit, and using them does not commit you to paying for anything.

Because they are a one-off, spend them deliberately. The common mistake is using them on the first few women who appear, before you have a feel for who eHarmony tends to suggest to you. Take a little time to look around first, then use them on the women you are most drawn to.

Some Premium memberships come with a package of these that refills every month. If yours does, you have a steady supply, and the question changes from "should I use one" to "who is worth my attention this month."

A monthly refill is meant to be used. A man who sits on his package out of caution ends the month with the same number of conversations he started with.

Since each one opens up a single woman, choose the conversations with a real chance of turning into a date.

Good signs are easy to spot. She sent you a Like, which means she has already shown interest. Her page gives you something specific to talk about. You find her attractive, and not just compatible on paper. Those are the women worth carrying forward.

Be honest about the lukewarm ones. If you would not be excited to see her name pop up in your Messages tab, do not spend one on her.

Of all the moments you might open up a match, a Like she sent you deserves the most attention. She looked at your page, found something she liked, and told you so. That is the warmest lead you will get on the site.

It also cools quickly. A woman who Liked you on Monday and hears nothing until the following Sunday has usually moved on to someone else by then. Her interest was real, but it was interest in the moment.

So when a Like arrives from a woman you find attractive, reply within a day or two. Answer the thing she Liked with some personality and add a question she can answer easily. That gets you into a real conversation while she still remembers why she reached out.

The second message is one of the moments you need this for, so it should earn its place. It is not the moment to ask where she grew up.

A strong second message keeps the tone light and starts steering toward a plan. You can raise the idea of meeting as a relaxed possibility, something like "if your taste in coffee is as good as you claim, you might have to show me the place." That plants the idea without asking for anything yet.

From there, keep it short. A few messages later, suggest a day and ask for her number. Every exchange you have on eHarmony is worth more when it is heading somewhere.

It is easy to treat these as the thing to optimize, counting how many you have left and agonizing over each one. That misses the point.

They exist to keep good conversations going. Use them on women you are genuinely keen on, write messages that move toward a meeting, and the handful you get will do their job.