Does Gray Hair Make a Man Less Attractive?

Gray hair costs most men less than they fear. It costs the most when the woman you want is much younger than you. For women near your own age, our coaches say it should not matter at all. If you are 40 and going after much younger women, it might.

A student on one of our live photo review calls asked whether gray hair in his photos lowers his results. The coach's answer was that it might, and that the way to find out is to test it. Have a freelance editor lighten or darken the hair in the same photo, then compare the two versions against each other.

The coach drew the line by age gap. A man in his 40s going after women in their 30s should not see any difference. A man in his 30s going after women in their mid 20s should not either. A man of 40 going after far younger women is where it might matter, because a younger woman can put you in the wrong category when she sees a clearly gray head.

He also said the effect is probably smaller than men expect, since being older is not as bad for a man as men assume. There was one thing he had seen directly, though. Many of his students colored the gray out of their hair and got better results in person with much younger women.

A test beats a guess, and it is cheap. Take one good photo and make two versions: the gray as it is, and the gray covered. Use one as your main photo for a stretch of time, then the other for the same stretch, in the same app. Compare how many women respond.

If the two versions look about the same, you have your answer, and you can keep the hair you have. If the colored one clearly wins and the women you want are much younger than you, the dye may be worth the upkeep. Either way you will be deciding on your own results, not on a worry.

The coach's warning was specific. Say a man has a full gray head and darkens all of it for his photos. Then he shows up to the date, and she tells him he does not look like his photos.

That one comment can end the evening before it starts. The photo has to look plausibly like you on a normal day, and you have to be willing to keep the color up. A small change you can hold week after week works better than a full reversal that fades by the second date.

On another call, a 37 year old student said his photos look about his age, partly because of some gray in his beard, and asked which apps to use. The coach did not tell him to hide it. He answered with where to look.

His first choice for that age group was Hinge. Match.com came next as a side app, not the main one, and Bumble and Tinder after that. His reason for Match.com was that many women in their late twenties and early thirties still have an account from when it was the main place to meet, and its format makes them easier to meet than on the other apps. For this student, the age he looked was a reason to pick the right app, not a reason to disguise himself.

On a live call, the coach reviewed one man's photos and his list was short: a better headshot, better focus, and hair that looked good in the photos. None of it was about gray.

His advice across those reviews was to get one or two really good headshots, because women do care about how you look. The other photos can be wider shots. Fix the hair so you look more fashionable and more tuned in socially. He added that attraction is a snap feeling in the moment, not a measured judgment, so a photo has to work in a glance.

Start from who you want to meet. Women near your age: leave the gray alone and spend the effort on better photos. Women much younger: run the two version test and see what happens.

Whatever you choose, do not lie about your age. If you color your hair, the plan is that the man who walks in looks like the man in the photos. A woman who meets that man, calm and clearly himself, has little reason to think about his hair at all.