Why Do Younger Women Like Older Men?

Some younger women like older men because an older man has usually built more: a better place to live, more to talk about, and more ease with himself. Many more women do not care about age either way, and a few dislike it. So the honest answer is not that younger women want age. They respond to what age often brings, and you can show that at any age.

On one of our coaching calls, a coach told a room about a night out where a woman in her early twenties asked how old he was. He told her, and she called it hot, again and again. He was careful to say that one night proves nothing. His point was that any trait of yours, your age included, has some women who dislike it, some who love it, and a large middle that never gives it a thought.

Your age is a number she reads once. What she responds to is what it is like to be around you.

One of our coaches reasons it out plainly. A man who has been around longer has had more time to become successful, more worldly, and to collect ideas and a way of living that he can share. None of that arrives with a birthday. A coach on one of our weekly Q&A calls says age hurts a man when he has made no progress for his years. That is not about the number. It is about a life that looks like it stopped a long time ago.

In our coaches' experience, the most common reaction to a man's age is that a woman genuinely does not care. Some are charmed, some are put off, and plenty never think about it.

Treat it like height or a job. Every age has pros and cons, and none of them settles whether she likes you. The man who decides ahead of time that she will reject him acts like it, and that costs him more than the number ever would.

Many women like a man who knows things and enjoys sharing them. Our coaches call it the mentor or teacher frame: the experienced man who says, in effect, I will show you around. A coach points out that young women have long been drawn to a sophisticated, educated man who is an authority in something.

You can use it on purpose. Tell her about the restaurant she has never tried, why you chose your work, or a story from a place you have lived. Offer it as something she may enjoy, not as a lesson. She should leave feeling she learned something fun, not that she was corrected.

Money matters here, but as a better evening, not as a show.

A coach gives a plain example. If you can afford a place near the center of town, she does not need a thirty minute ride to reach you. If the home she walks into looks cared for, it feels like a grown man's place and not a dorm. Money also pays for events, good restaurants and the occasional trip, so a date with you is simply a better night than one with a man who has nothing to spend.

One rule a coach holds himself: he will pay for a trip he wants her company on. He will not pay her rent or buy her a new refrigerator unless they are married or have kids together. Spend on time you share, not on keeping her.

If you think your age could be an issue, do not open with it. Our coaches advise skipping the biographical questions early on. Be more playful instead. Build enough of a connection that something is already there when the age question comes up. Then she is judging a man she likes who happens to be a certain age.

If she asks, answer plainly. Do not lie and do not shave off a few years. The honest answer, said calmly, is the whole technique.

The same coach tells a story that is about height, not age, but the lesson carries over. A professional model, taller than he was, took off her shoes at closing time so she would stand closer to his height. She was worried he would stop liking her. That is the frame you want: she is wondering whether you will like her, not you wondering whether she will like you.

Our coaches describe two kinds of older man. One is worldly, interesting and put together. The other has only gotten older. She can tell which one you are before you say a word.

So wear clothes that fit and suit your age, keep in shape, and have something going on in your life that you like talking about. That does more for how a younger woman sees you than any line, and it is the part you fully control.