Best Books on Approaching Women

The best book on approaching women is the one that gets you to walk up to a woman this week, and no book does that for you. Pick one that covers meeting women in person: how to open, what to say next, how to ask for her number. Read it in a week, then start talking to people before you reach the last chapter. A man who reads three books and approaches nobody has bought a hobby.

Most dating books spend a hundred pages on why attraction works and one page on what to say when you are standing next to her. That is backwards for a man who wants to start.

A book worth your time covers five things:

• How to open a conversation with a woman you have never met
• How to keep talking after her first answer
• How to ask for her number or her Instagram
• What to do when she says she is busy or not interested
• How to practice without it taking over your life

If a book skips the first and last of those, it is a book about dating, not about approaching.

The Game by Neil Strauss is the story of the author's time inside the pickup community. It is entertaining and it is motivating, and it tells you the stakes of getting good at this. It is a story first and a manual second, and some of the tactics in it are old.

Why Him? Why Her? by Helen Fisher is about how different personalities connect. It will not tell you what to say to a woman at a coffee shop. It helps you understand why two people click or do not, which makes you less personal about a no.

The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi gives a hard-edged view of how men and women behave. It has useful ideas for a man who is too passive and bad advice in other places, so read it as one opinion, not a rulebook.

For the mechanics, such as tone, pace and what the first ten seconds look like, video beats print. a dating coach's day game videos show real approaches on camera. A book can describe a good opener. It cannot let you hear the voice.

Plenty of men type the title of a book followed by "pdf" before they buy anything. A few honest points on that.

Free PDFs of current books are usually copied without the author's permission. They are often incomplete, badly scanned, or hosted on sites that bury you in pop-ups. A used paperback, an ebook on sale or your local library costs little and gives you the real thing.

Also ask whether you need all of a 300-page book. For approaching, you need the chapter on opening and the chapter on asking for contact. Read those twice and skip the rest until you have tried them.

Read with a pen. After each chapter, write down one thing you can do today, and do it within two days.

That might be saying hello to one stranger, asking one woman for a recommendation, or opening with a simple line you picked from the book. Keep a count of how many women you spoke to, not how many liked you.

Reading more does not make nerves go away. Talking does. a dating coach makes a point that applies here: if you walk up bracing for a bad reaction, she can see it in your face and your voice, and you are more likely to get one. Walk up expecting a normal, friendly exchange, and you usually get that.

Books cannot teach you to read her face, match her walking pace or stand at the right distance. coach breaks approaches into three kinds. You stop her from the front with enough room for her to see you coming. You tap her shoulder from behind at arm's length and step back. Or you walk beside her and match her speed. Each one has small details about angle and voice that you only pick up by doing it.

Whatever book you choose, the good ones agree on a few things. Be warm and brief. Say why you came over. Give her room to answer, and room to leave. If she is not interested, thank her and go. Nobody owes you a conversation, and the man who takes a no well is the one women remember kindly.