Are Clubs in NYC Good for Meeting Women?

Some New York clubs are good for meeting women and many are not. The best are the semi-exclusive rooms with a strict door and a crowd that mingles. The worst, for conversation, are the loud rooms built around bottle service, where everyone stays at their own table. For most men a bar or a lounge is the easier place to start, and a club earns its place when you like to dance, can handle the door, and are willing to stay late.

a dating coach, who has gone out in New York for years, sorts the city's nightlife into three tiers, and the tier matters more than the name of the place.

At the bottom are the open rooms: no real door, no cover, walk straight in. Some of these call themselves clubs and work more like big bars. You can find attractive women there on volume alone, because the city is so full of people, and you can go out at one in the morning with no plan.

At the top are the most exclusive clubs in the city. Getting in takes a promoter, a friendly doorman or real money for a table. Inside, some of the most attractive women in the city are gathered in one place, and just being in the room tells them something about you.

In the middle sit the semi-exclusive clubs, harder to get into than a dive but not out of reach. coach calls these his favorite. The crowd is consistently good, there is more mingling than at the top tier, and the women have dressed up and come out for a big night.

A tough door feels like it is working against you. Inside, it works for you.

The doorman turning away groups of men is what keeps the ratio good. At the selective clubs, coach points out, the door is deliberately managing how many women and men end up inside. The single men who do get in are outnumbered far less than they would be at an open room on a Saturday.

So when the door gives you a hard time, take it in stride. Learn the doorman's name, be polite on the way in and out, and come back. My advice is that a man who builds a good name with the door gets in more easily over time. Arriving with women you met earlier in the evening, or making friends with a promoter, helps even more.

Clubs are loud. In many New York clubs you are shouting into her ear within a minute, and a man whose strength is conversation gives that strength away at the door. The high-end rooms make most of their money from bottle service, so groups cluster around tables and there is less moving around.

Bars and lounges win on talking. You can hear a reply, sit down and let a short conversation breathe. My own preference among the top clubs is the one with quieter corners and less focus on tables, because it suits a verbal style. If you are not a dancer and you like to talk, start in bars and lounges and treat clubs as an occasional night.

A club is worth the night if any of these fit you.

You like to dance. On a dance floor, a man who moves well has an advantage that no lounge can give him.

You want a dressed-up, high-energy crowd. Women at the semi-exclusive and top clubs are in a party mood, often more open to meeting someone than they would be at a quiet bar after work.

You can stay late. New York nightlife runs until four in the morning. As the night goes on, friends get tired and head home, and more women are out without the group they arrived with. coach says many of his students have ended up with a woman from the chaos of the last hour.

You have a plan for leaving. Most people in New York get around by taxi or subway, not by car, so leaving a club together is far less awkward than in a city where her friends drove her there.

We do not publish a list of names. New York clubs open, close and change their crowd faster than any article can keep up, and the tier tells you more than the name. The Meatpacking District is known for its clubs. Walk it on a Friday or Saturday, notice which doors are selective without being impossible, and go back to the rooms where you felt like you fit.

Getting in is half the battle. The other half is walking up to a woman on a loud floor and keeping it light. Cold Approach runs its Bootcamp in New York and Miami, with two four-hour blocks in the field each training day and nightlife and daytime approaches mixed to suit you. A coach watches each approach and tells you what to change, right after the set.