Best Lounges in NYC for Meeting Women

The best lounge for you is one where you can hear each other, where the women are the kind you like and where you make sense in the room. We do not publish a list of names, because lounges open, close and change owners faster than an article can keep up. What lasts is how to choose one, and that matters more than any name.

Pick a few places that fit the rules below, visit each once without an agenda, and keep the ones where you feel like yourself.

• A lounge is a nightgame setting: lower lights, seating, conversation, usually quieter than a club.
• a dating coach rates a venue on four things: the women you like, your style of talking, whether you fit in and the logistics.
• Quieter corners and a room built for talking beat a room built around bottle service.
• Open simply and briefly. A lounge is easier than a club for conversation, and it still rewards restraint.
• Cold Approach's New York Bootcamp is arranged with you after booking, and Group is available on request.

A club is loud, crowded and built for dancing. You often have to shout, and the energy is high before you have said a word. A lounge is built for sitting, drinking and talking. You can hear a reply, see a face and let a short conversation breathe.

That suits men whose style is verbal. My advice is that a man with a very verbal style should not favor a place that is extremely loud and built around dancing. Match the room to what you are good at.

coach explains how he picks places in New York, and the same questions work for anyone.

Are the women you like there? Not the most famous crowd in the city, but the women you are drawn to. A lounge that draws young professionals suits one man, and a more artistic room suits another.

Does it fit your style? In New York, coach prefers places with quieter corners where you can talk, over rooms centered on bottle service. Both are exclusive, he says, and the first suits his game better. Look for seating, a bar you can lean on and space to hold a conversation.

Do you fit in? He gives an example of men who show up where nothing about them makes sense. If you are in a suit at a casual room, or the reverse, you will feel it and so will she. Dress for the place and speak the way people there speak.

What are the logistics? A great lounge across the city is worse than a good one near you. In New York, coach notes that women usually got there by taxi or subway and are not tied to a friend's car, which makes leaving together easier than in cities where everyone drives. The subway also runs around the clock, so a late night does not strand you.

New York is a walking city, and these areas are known for nightlife.

• Lower East Side: a popular nightlife area.
• East Village: known for dining and nightlife.
• Meatpacking District: known for clubs and stylish restaurants.
• Williamsburg, Brooklyn: one of the city's most exciting nightlife neighborhoods, with indie music, gallery shows and shops run by local artisans.

Walk the area in the early evening, see which rooms are filling up, and go back another night. We make no claims about which specific place is best this month.

1. Choose the easier moment. Women in a group of women are typically easier than a mixed group. A woman on her own or at the bar is easier than one in a crowded booth.
2. Walk over within a few seconds. The longer you wait, the more you are noticed waiting.
3. Open with the place. "I keep looking at that painting. Do you know what it is?" or "Is that drink as good as it looks?"
4. Keep it brief. Two minutes is enough to learn whether she wants more.
5. Read the table. A group celebrating a birthday may welcome you. A group in the middle of a private conversation will not.
6. Leave gracefully. "Nice to meet you, enjoy the night" is a good exit at any point.

Chasing exclusivity. The hardest room to enter is not the best room for you. coach prefers places that are exclusive enough to be good and open enough to talk in.

Treating it like a club. A lounge is quieter, so loud lines, forced touching and pressure stand out more.

Staying too long. If nothing is working, change rooms. A different crowd can change your night.

Ignoring your own limits. If a place makes you tense, it will show.

Choosing a room and working it are two different skills, and a coach beside you helps with both. A Cold Approach Bootcamp has two four-hour field blocks each training day, daygame in the street and cafes, nightgame in bars and lounges, mixed to suit you. Your coach watches your approaches and tells you what he saw.

In New York, a Private Bootcamp is arranged with you after you book, over one, two or three days. Group coaching is available on request, since no Group weekend is published here. Beginners are welcome in both, and you leave with a written practice plan.

Should I go alone or with a friend?

Either can work. A friend can make it easier to start, and a solo night forces you to speak.

What time should I go?

Early enough that the room is filling and not yet packed, which is usually easier for conversation than the late peak.

Do I need to spend a lot?

No. A drink in hand and a relaxed manner are enough. The point is to talk, not to spend.

Is a lounge better than a daytime approach?

They are different. Many beginners find daytime gentler, and many men like the ease of a lounge.