Approaching Women in an Airport Lounge

Approaching a woman in an airport lounge works best if you treat the lounge like a hotel bar with a departure board. Sit or stand near her at the bar or the coffee counter, open on something you can both see, and keep it light. People in a lounge are waiting, comfortable and often a little bored, so a friendly conversation is welcome far more often than it is on the concourse. The etiquette is short: leave anyone who is working or on a call alone, do not plant yourself next to her in an empty room, and go back to your seat when she goes back to her laptop.

Out on the concourse, everyone is walking fast toward a gate. In a lounge, everyone has already arrived. They are sitting down, they have a drink or a plate of food, and many of them have an hour or more before boarding.

That is close to ideal. In a dating coach's field report from an eight-hour layover, the turning point came early, when he and the woman he had just met worked out that they both had "a good few hours to kill." Shared time with nothing to do is the best thing an airport gives you, and a lounge is where that time is most comfortable.

Lounges have social zones and quiet zones, and the regulars know the difference.

The bar, the coffee machine, the food counter and the high tables near them are social. Talking there is normal. Work desks, phone booths, nap rooms and any area marked as quiet are not. A woman typing on a laptop at a desk with headphones on is working, and you should treat her like a colleague in an office.

Seating matters. In a crowded lounge, taking the free seat near her is ordinary. In a half empty one, moving your bag to the chair right next to hers is a statement, and not a good one. Sit at a normal distance and talk from there, or start the conversation at the counter where standing side by side is natural.

Keep your voice low. Lounges are quieter than bars, and the people around you are trying to relax.

Observational openers work best, because the setting is full of things you both share. My own opener in that airport came while the woman was briefly held at security: "I thought you were getting in trouble for a second there," said with a grin. It worked because it was about something that had just happened to her.

In a lounge, the material is everywhere. The board: "Please tell me you're not on the delayed Denver flight too." The food: "Is the soup worth it, or should I trust the sandwiches?" The view of the runway, the coffee machine nobody can work, the man on speakerphone two tables over.

After a line or two about the lounge, turn it toward her. Where is she flying, and is it home or away? Give her some of your own story in return so it does not become an interview.

My report describes the move that matters most here. Once he knew they both had hours to wait, he made a simple offer: "I was planning to find somewhere to get some food, you're welcome to join me if you like." She said yes.

In a lounge, the food is right in front of you, which makes this even easier. "I'm grabbing something to eat. Join me?" turns a chat at the counter into sitting together at a table. If you have time, a walk around the terminal is a natural second step.

His larger point is that men leave interactions too early. They get a number and walk off, when they could have kept moving forward together. With two hours to spare in a lounge, there is no rush to end a good conversation.

When your flight is called, or hers is, wrap it up properly. "This was the best part of my trip so far. What's your number?" Then text her straight away so she has yours.

If you live in different cities, take the number anyway and say when you are next in hers. People who travel for work tend to repeat the same routes, and a woman you met in a lounge may well be in your city next month.

She has a reason to stay put that you should respect. A good seat in a lounge is hard to give up, so she may not want to move away even if she would rather not talk. That makes it your job to leave.

If her answers get shorter, her laptop opens again or her earbuds go back in, wish her a good flight and go back to your seat. That small courtesy is most of the etiquette.

Lounges are calm, which is why they are a good place to practice, but you still have to stand up and say the first sentence.

The Cold Approach Bootcamp is coaching in person, in Miami and New York, and it happens in actual venues rather than a classroom. Days cover streets and cafes, and nights cover bars and lounges. You are coached live while you approach, then given feedback once each conversation ends. Group means three days back to back with a coach for every three students. Private means a coach of your own for one, two or three days. Beginners are welcome, the focus is approach anxiety, and you leave with a written practice plan for afterward.